Blame Doesn’t Belong Here, Sisterhood Does

B, welcome to sex. And the one the podcast with B and KB getting down and dirty about all things, love, life, sex, dating and relationships. I had to call it emergency pod. KB, we need to, we need to talk. Yeah, we do. We sure do.You've had some heavy, heavy emotions arise over the last 72 hours. And you know, for those that have been playing along for the last year, because we're almost won, yeah? KB, and I chat often, but over the weekend, we tend to leave each other be, you know, let each other be, just to enjoy family time and then reconvene on Monday. Well, that didn't happen for us this week. We spoke on Sunday because there were all sorts of emotions flying around. And, you know, you're so you're so vulnerable with me, I just felt from our our conversation that it is so important, and obviously, with your consent, that we share what happened over the weekend, because there was quite a leader. Our audience actually know of this person, and we have reference to this person before on our pod to what has led to this series of events that we're going to be talking about today. So I don't want to give it away. I just want you to share and do your thing at being the most amazing storyteller that you are. So yeah, just to preface emergency pod meeting called today because we need to share what is going on. Yeah, and like, honestly, people who follow the pod all the time know that this is not normal for us. We normally talk about something maybe from the past, or there's a lot of stuff in the book that we might refer to that sort of this type of material. And generally, I don't want to be this horrible on the pod, to be honest with you, and I can feel myself almost since he is now sharing it. But as is always the case, what Bea doesn't realize is how special she is because of the gift that she gives me with her ears and her calm presence and her constant reassurance, everything's going to be okay. And I think it's going to be a huge benefit for people to hear a story of vulnerability, of some things that happened and and then see how that we as a sisterhood can all stick together, and how we can all, like, work together to, you know, to take care of each other, because black Don's got each other's backs. Yes, let's rewind, let's rewind, let's rewind this story. Let's The story starts in January this year. So I had, my mother had passed away on the 26th of December last year, and I'd had quite a period of time, obviously, processing that. And I had a couple of weeks off work, and that just didn't stick. And, you know, I just needed another few more days away. And I was like, Where can I go? Where can I go? You know, just needed to, like, release some steam, I guess. And I concurrently have had this favorite cookie place called rookie cookie. I love rookie cookie. We've both ordered cookies from Brookie cookie before, like at Easter time and Christmas and any other excuse we could think of. Love ordering bookie cookies. And I thought, I'm gonna go to Brisbane and go to Brookie cookie. Like, why? I mean, do I need another reason to go to Brisbane? No, so I go to Brisbane, fly up there for a three day scenario. So while I'm up there, I open up my apps, as you do, a bit of a look, see around, and opened up the field. And that is an app that is generally used for encounters, one night stands, sometimes relationships, but it's more in the vein of some fun scenarios. And I got to chatting to this guy in the morning, and he asked me breakfast, right? So I had, I needed to have breakfast. And I thought, actually, this is cool, because I don't, I don't have, I've got a thing. I don't like to just meet someone. I'm not a transactional sex person. I don't like I don't want to meet someone just sex, and so I like to like people, and if I don't like them, then I don't want to do anything further. So he's like, goodbye for breakfast. I'm like, Great, I'll do breakfast, because then get long break, but don't get long that's fine. I still had a nice breakfast. So we had this lovely breakfast. I told her how I had a book. I all because it's full disclosure that, you know, this is my life, and this is my life's public in that area.Well, exactly in words and actions and so, yeah. So we had, we had a lovely breakfast. That was fine. He was really fun to be around. And then he took me to Brookie cookie, like we lined up at Britney cookie. We had this fun banter with the other people in the line. We bought like, 12 cookies and took them back to my hotel room, and hung out for like another three hours or something, just eating the cookies and chatting and whatever. And he went to go to leave. And I went, Hey, do you want to have a bath? And I've mentioned this before on the pod, that that was my move. And he goes, Yeah, okay. And so then we had a bath, and then we had a lovely little experience that was not G rated. And then he left, and it was lovely. It was really fine. And that's, you know, it was all fine. And I wasn't kind of expecting that anything else would occur from that, just, you know, it is what it is. It was very nice. And whatever. Anyway, four days later, we started chatting again about something else, randomly. A couple of weeks later, we started chatting again, and then the podcast question days came out, right? So everyone remembers when podcast question day came out every Friday, and I started sending him podcast question day, yeah, so you do want to talk about some of his answers to podcast question day? Well, if I can backtrack, I remember you sharing that experience with him in Brisbane, and the walking and the talking and, like, the intimacy wasn't. It was mentioned, but that wasn't, I guess, the surprise that I got from what you had experienced. It was like, There's a man out there that wanted to sort of not mine and dine, because that's really cliche, but he got the he had the time and wanted to get to know you, yes, through conversation. And it wasn't like your typical meetup, have a little chat or have a drink and within an hour, go back to the hotel room and then leave sort of scenario. So for me, I think this scenario really stood out among sort of what you have shared. So he left a lasting impression on me from that experience itself and the way that you were speaking of him. I was like, I like this guy, like, I mean, and I think as girlfriend, you tend to do that, like, when you've had a place to had a positive experience, you share that with each other. And I'm like, All right, I'm on board. Like, no red flags yet. And you know, he stays in the good list. And as he started to answer some of the questions, which, if you go back to some of our previous pods, you'll hear the depths and emotional intelligence that he answers the questions with. And that was, again, a like, is this guy? And I actually said that is here. Where did you find him? Because, yes, because I hear a story through you about men, like, it's uncommon to have someone speak in that way, to think so critically, but also carry that emotion in a response. And we've read one of his responses, and I cried, I think, in that pod after reading that in regards to when I think it was our Mother's Day, Father's Day? Pod, yep, and yeah, I think from that, like, like, I said. I was like, Okay, this guy's a good guy, yeah? We both developed the perception that he was a great guy, yeah. And from that, I'm like, Okay, well, we'll, you know, we'll keep him in the books for whenever we need we have a free weekend, yeah? Well, the thing what happened from there is he started watching every pod. So he was watching every pod, and then he caught up on the pods. And I said, Oh, you read the book, haha. And he said, No, I don't read. And I said, Well, you know, audio he'd listened to the whole audio book within 24 hours, like once, I'd sent in the link to the audio book. And so he knew absolutely everything there is to know about, yeah, he's listening. He's just playing boring agent. You know, he knows how I think, he knows what I feel. He knows all of that stuff, right? So it's very hard to grab your attention. Let's just be honest, yeah, yeah. And interestingly, I have never had, you know, like, emotional feelings for him, like, I've always liked him in the friendship category.Benefits, like, if you can, yeah, friends of benefits probably would be that you might would be my level of interest. I've never, was never interested in dating him or anything, but I saw him as having massive value. And he would talk to me about who he had been dating and what he'd been so we've been seeing and stuff. And every now and again, you get a little bit of a, oh, that doesn't, I don't know about that, but it was never enough that you sort of like, what didn't alert my Ding, ding, ding. It wasn't like an official red flag sort of scenario, no. And so fast forward to last weekend. So this is like, nine months down the track. My son, David had I was gonna go see MJ the musical with him. David decided he had something else he had to do. And I was like, All right, well, I'm gonna ask this guy. I'm gonna see if he wants to come to the musical. He's a massive fan of musicals, we should say, likes to do that regularly. And so I just messaged him, Brandon, we hadn't spoke to him for a couple weeks. Had you wanna go to MJ the musical? And he just sent message back. Actually, yes, I happen to have just at the moment. So yeah, I'll come down. He goes, Well, what are you gonna do for the weekend? Have you got some plans? And I go, Well, no, I you know it's gonna go my son, I probably would have driven up and driven back, let's face it, to Melbourne. Let's go to MJ. And he said, Well, you want to make a weekend of it? I said, Oh, actually, sure. Like, I'll book a hotel room. We can go see something the Friday night. We worked out what we could see the Friday night, I booked tickets for that. I booked some hotel room. And obviously I already had the MJ tickets, so the weekend was getting sorted pretty quickly. And then he listened to a pod The following week, and he said to me, I just found out that when you're when you're with guys, that you always organize everything, and you're always the planner, and I've just let you be always the planner in this and I go, Well, all right, well, you can, you can bring me Brook cookies, like and I might have said that maybe these times, can you bring me some Brookie cookies, because that would, you know, that would be awesome. And then you can plan the dinner for Friday night, because he knew somewhere that you wanted to stay for the Friday night, whatever, for dinner. So you could do those two things and not any other things already, and there you go. So he's like, paying attention to what I like, and he's like, inserting, you know, that, in that, right? So trying to equalize, I guess, the like, not maybe not the expense, but the experience. Like, okay, what you've done to me. What can I do for you? And you get the suggestion, and simple, get me Brooklyn cookies and dinner. Yeah. And so I said to him, Hey, do you want to have two hotel rooms? You want to do one hotel rooms? I'm asking him, basically, is this a friend's own thing? This, in my way, is this friend's own thing? Or do you want to have another experience? And I didn't say that, literally. I just went, you want to have two hotels in one hotel room? He said, Oh, well, I'm happy to bunk in with you if you're happy with me. And I and I said, Do you snore like because he goes, I know you don't like sleepovers because he knows everything about me. And I said, Will you snore? And he said, No. And I said, Oh, I'm sure I could funky with you. I'll get a room with a bath now. I'll get a room with a bath, to me, means we had bath. Andso I'm thinking, Okay, well, we're gonna have a nice, fun weekend. There'll be a bit of sex, and there'll be, like, you know, two shows, and do these dinners, and I'll eat Britney cookies. I mean, I mean, who is not thinking this weekend's awesome, I don't know. And leading up to the weekend, like, I wasn't sure which air one terminal he was gonna be on and stuff, this is weird. Like, it's weird that we had had a lot of contact before, like, yet before, if I've seen him, but it wasn't weird enough that I literally learned my sentence. But it was just a little bit like, Oh, this is unusual. Maybe he's having a busy week. Who knows? It was fine, and we were joking about that. I'm like, Oh, I don't know, how's he messaging it? And, you know, I was saying it in a, you know, friendly bantering way, but at the same time, I'm like, What the fuck doesn't he message you? Because you need to know you're picking him up from tomorrow. Yeah, and like, and it's weird because I try and because with the good experience thing in like, you know, if it's a guy how you react, or if it was a girl, how you react, but if you hadn't made no contact with me before we were hanging out, we were about to go away together. It's fucking weird. It's weird. Like, like, like, I had, I went out with, I went away with your girlfriends the weekend before. We were chatting non stop for the two days beforehand. This plane is doing this, and we're picking up at this time. And, you know, like, it was a lot of truck before you go, so there's nothing anyway. So I get to the airport, I picked him up from the airport, and we went to the hotel room, and we sat down on the couch, and he proceeds to tell me a whole bunch of stuff that started to make me my ears. What is it? My hair? Yeah, my body reacted anyway.At this point. I can't tell when he said what, because the weekend sort of, I'll try and do like a, like a, you know, I'll try and make it as chronological as I can. But he basically told me he had just left a woman had just left his house an hour before he had to leave at the airport. She'd taken her out to see the lovers, which was musical that he has now seen three times with three different women. And this woman was a first date, and he took her to see the lovers. He slept with her. She slept over. She woke in the morning and left, and he got on the plane and to come see me. And then I was strategy. What a strategy. You know when you're like, why are you telling me this? Now I will say I did engage in this conversation. I did engage in this conversation. I did stop telling me. I did ask him questions. That is how I roll. I like to know what men do with other women, because that's, I think, a great judge of character. And I was also like, what's the purpose of this? Like I was trying to work out, why are you telling me that you slept with someone yesterday, like today even? Do you know what I mean? And I'm thinking, okay, okay. And so then I thought we slept with three or three women that week, the one last one, big yesterday. And I said, do these women know about each No? And I said, so they think they're dating, you would Yeah. And he said, Oh, well, some of them, I tell them I'm still on the apps. And then he started to say, like, the one from last night had messaged him and said, basically that she was falling if she had a deep feeling for him after the one night, like, you know, which is a bit of a big message that she'd sent, he laughed at her message in front of me and didn't reply. He replied to that message later that night in front of me. He just left her hanging for 10 hours. And, like, we know, you know. And he would know too I care about other women. Treat other women, so I'm going, you did miss like, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing anyway, I'm getting confused which chicks which right? Because he's telling me about this chick does this, this chick does that. This one believes this. This one believes that. This one's in love with me, this one's in love with me. Like they're just everywhere, and he's lying to them all, as far as I'm concerned. But now you're starting to see the value of disrespect everything which is so against you. And he knows that's where that, I think that these are all reactions coming up, and he knows, and he knows, he knows that's how I feel. And so then, like, he whipped out his phone and started showing photos of these girls and I, and one of the photos was just a girl, you know, like, when I was telling him how is where they put the phone up, like this, yeah, and like, and I was showing him how they how they do that. And then he then one of the photos, he said, he shows me the girls wearing a bra and not much else. And I said, is she would? She be happy with me seeing this? Like, would she be happy that I think a personal photo like that she had sent himcorrect, she'd send him the photo. And I go, I don't know. He said, Oh, she's never gonna find out what's the problem. And I'm like, you know, when you start going, I know what the problem is. And like, I actually started to say to him, like, I don't understand. It's like, I'm really honest. And then he talks about one woman who would actually stop seeing him because she'd said, Listen, if you're not going to get off the apps and stop dating other people, I don't want to date you. And he said, so he stopped seeing her, but they had tickets to see pretty woman the musical next week or whatever, and so he forwarded her the tickets. And she said, Well, I don't want to go unless I'm going with you. And he was going to see her on the Sunday. So he was due to flying out on the Sunday to go see the Broncos in Sydney, after he'd spent two nights with me, and he was gonna see her on Sunday, and then they were gonna work out where they would go. She's thinking that if they go, it's because he's chosen to date her, because she's given him foundry. He has not chosen to date her. I said, Why would you go? Why would you hurt her like that? And he said, Well, I want to see the musical, right? So look, there was a whole bunch of stories and a whole bunch of thing. He gets out, he's Bumble then, and he's working out who likes him in the area of Melbourne. And by this point, I'm thinking, what am I doing? Is this? Yeah, like, what's the how have you compartmentalized me into this weekend? Like, where do you fit? Yeah, exactly. What are you thinking anyway? So also, by the by, he's forgotten to buy the Brookie cookies. I care about, because two musicals and, oh, tell me, and you can'teven get a couple of cookies. And he forgot. And then he didn't care that he forgot, you know, that whole, oh, well, got cookies. Like, whatever I said. It's just so fascinating that he's like, you know, those balloons that you have blown up, those big ones, and then they deflate slowly over time, like he was like, this boisterous, amazing, you know, colorful thing, and now it's just shriveled. And you're like, Oh, my God, where the hole is. Yes, I'm going, I've got two nights with this guy, andI'm trying. I'm an analyzer. I'm trying to work out, why is he telling me this? Does he still want to have sex? Because he still want to have sex? Because he was that's supposed to make me want to feel like have sex with him. I don't understand anyway, I said to myself, did you book dinner place for tonight? No, no, he didn't know. He said, I'll just go to anyone. I said, Yeah, fair enough. It's 530 we're gonna go. So that's fine. So we go about the dinner. I can't remember anything much happened to dinner. The show called 39 steps, which was very interesting. I won't bag out the show, but we only lost the television about it. Sorry. Don't know anything. About anyway, if it wasn't, wasn't our thing, which was good, because I, you know, both of us did not enjoy that. And so he was messaging the girl back from the night before at the at the show. And I said, What are you messaging? She goes, I'm messaging. I'm finally getting back to her. You could be bothered to get back to her. She will have been waiting all day. Is it in front of you as well? Why? Yeah, yes, yes, in front of me. Yes, yes. Which, vests mean, you know, I mean, like, I can see, like, you know, from the history, and like, how you engage initially in the boundaries that are sort of set. Like, you know, you're very open, but just plain, she disrespectful to me. Like, you've got two nights booked away. You have all planned. You really going to visit a person you slept like, the night before. Like, where's your decency? Like, it's just bad taste, and I can't think about it. Like, if it was you and you and I were at the theater, you're not getting out your phone visiting anybody at the theater. You're hanging out with me. Like, that's what, that's what you would do. Like you and I, we don't do that. We don't whip out our phones on each other. Like, when we're hanging out, you just like, so then we, then I designed that, which is my new favorite appointment, which is, like, you know, it's just, like, a really fun place to go to. There's like, all different eclectic type of crowd, and they had, like, a burlesque lady dancing, and she was doing a bit of stripping and stuff. And that was really fun. So we go there and rings, and I start to realize, it hits me, didn't need and then, like, it occurs to me, okay, so he's talking to me about all these jigs. And then I'm going, I'm going, Okay, you must have a different impression about what's gonna happen this weekend. But the idea hadn't fully formed yet. It was just sort of like, so I'm me, I go to him. I got him, you know, just wanted to just wondering, how did you see this weekend going, like, going with us. Were you thinking we were going to, you know, have sex? Because that's classic, yeah. And he goes, he goes, Oh, you know, something like that. I went up, okay. I just wasn't sure how this was, you know, panning out for you. Anyway, I went to the toilet, came back from the bar, and he was chatting to another guy from the bar, who was from America, and he said, Sit here. Sit here. And he wanted me to sit in between him and the other guy. And I'm like, right, oh, so we're chatting to this other guy, and this, like, you know, Sex Chat immediately occurs. I probably started, I don't know why it's classic me, but it wasn't actually going to I wasn't being flirty. I was, like, being my usual. So, like, Who do you normally go out with? And, you know, like, just whatever I normally ask people, incredibly in pubs. And he says to me, he goes, Oh, listen, if you want to go out with this guy for a couple of hours and just have sex with him, if I don't mind, I'll go do something else when I meet you later, do something else and I'll meet you later. Do you think he had, like, connected with people through the apps and had something else planned? No, no, you can react, but I don't know the answer. I don't know the I don't know why. I don't know he did better. The doubt maybe he thought when I said, you want to have sex, I was thinking, I don't want to have sex, so I want to have sex with somebody else while you're here. But maybe you've always been very clear with him. In general, I don't, I would never do that. I just, I just would never do that. I just, yeah. So I had this whole, it was really, to be honest with you, because it was like, maybe five Gods at the bar that were, like, really boring, like, into my soul, like, you know, that they were attracted, and the guy that I was with showed no attraction to me whatsoever, like, just zero. And I thought this is the most bizarre experience of my life. Yeah, what did I do to attract this? Like, as I start wondering what the hell I've done. Had a few more drinks and, like, watch the girl list dancer, walked back to the hotel, and I'm right, so I'm behind the bar, thinking, we'll run the bar, see what happens here. I got in the bath, didn't see him, didn't hear from him, not that I overly care, to be honest with you, by that point. But also I probably wasn't interested, but I did anyway. You know, we just, like, sometimes just judge yourself. But anyway, that's what I did. And came back out to the thing, oh, he's asleep on the bed, snoring. So hi Nock, rookie cookie, no sex, and you're and so I'm, like, lying in bed trying to sleep, but by this point, I'm confused. I'm too strong for the first night. It was more like annoyed, and I think, what? And I didn't understand. I didn't understand, like, what was going on. Because this is not the guy that presented Himself to us. This is not the man that he thought, that I thought he was going to be anyway. So I went and slept on the couch because I couldn't sleep there anymore, and I actually felt really cold, and couldn't sleep because there was no extra blanket. So I'd go get my coats, so I'm sleeping underneath my coats. And I couldn't sleep because I was cold and I couldn't move. So I ended up sleeping, you sleep in the coffin position, and got maybe two or three hours or something. And I woke up and he said, Oh, what are you doing sleeping on the couch? And I said, Oh, You snored, which, you know, annoyed me again, because he obviously had minded, but he was a snorer, and he said, Oh my God, I feel so bad. Oh, you know, I'll take care of breakfast. And heorganized it for the room. And I was lying there in the night, and I was thinking, what am I making of this? Like, how did I attract this? Why is this happening? I'm one of these people, like, I want to learn the lesson, right? And I'm lying there. I actually had the feeling like I was with my ex husband. Like, that's the energy that I had. I thought, I'm with someone who has no interest in me whatsoever, doesn't care, doesn't care, yeah. And I thought, I've got another day of this. I would not find this. And I thought, what the Nock about it? What can I do about this? And I knew we had an MJ tickets booked. I had the dinner planned and booked, and I paid for the table, and if you don't go anyway, so I was already committed. I'm like, two grand in at this point. And he had offered to pay for the dinners, right? And so then he said, he said he felt bad about me sleeping. But he said, I get it, friends. I've been friend zoned, and I just need to act like that. I'm friend zoned. So I said to him, we were eating breakfast, and I said to him, I didn't realize that this was a friend trip for you like that. You didn't want to do anything. He goes, What do you mean? And I go, Well, you don't want you to want to have sex. And you know the way you're acting on the things you told me you obviously, clearly don't want to. And he said, If he goes, Oh, it wasn't, you know, well, I just fell asleep. I go, we were together for 13 hours. You were talking to other women. You were talking about other women. Okay, so you address this at breakfast, yeah, yeah, doing all this stuff. I said that is not conducive to someone who does want to sleep with somebody. He goes, Oh, well. And I said something about being horny, because I had also said to him the day before, he said to me, who else have you been with lately? And I said, No, I've been with him for two months. I said, I'm not interested in being with anyone that I don't think is a nice person. I necessarily want to be in a relationship, but I don't want to, I don't want to just sleep with people. It's not interested in them. And I didn't really care that he wasn't in that zone, because I have been him before. Like, you know, where I want to sleep with people, but never with I never without that level of integrity. You know what I mean? Like the guys I had been sleeping with did not think they were dating me, you know what? I mean? No, and so I said to him, I said, I think you've been mean to the women. And I don't I don't understand why you would tell me that, given you know what's happening anyway. I said, like, obviously you want to be friends, like they get it now. And I think he offended that I called him on the fact that he was clearly not interested, but I was, that was just how I wrote. So we ended up going for a walk down South Bank, and we go past some people that work on the streets. And he said something about the people who were, you know, like people you know, what, people that do, like the different caricatures and that kind of stuff. And I'd said, I said, Listen, my guy that was booked, because he's read the book that really gave me a lot of trauma. He does that same job, and so I don't want to talk about that, like, because that actually gave me a lot of trauma. And he goes, Oh, well. He goes, Well, to be fair, that guy. And then he started defending the guy that gave me the trauma. And I went, No, no. There is no to be fair. That guy should not have done what he did to me, and it was not okay on any circumstances. And he goes, Oh yeah, I suppose Fair enough. Anyway, two more times over the weekend, he brought up that profession, and two more times I told him, that causes me trauma. Please stop doing that. And he kept proceeding to talk about this girl and that girl, and what he was doing with whatever, and how he manipulated them. So he would make sure. He goes, I like going to musicals anyway, so I go make sure I go to dinner and go to musicals. And sometimes he's supposed to see his daughters, and he works late, so he just goes, in a second someone and spared and he was talking about his children, yeah, I don't, yeah, his commitment to his children just wasn't what I would consider commitment. Like he was talking about like, you know, like he gave him the bare minimum. And you are this man's ex wife. I want to hear from you. Well, I feel for her, because I think she's me, as in, like, you know, we've got one anyway. Speak up. Now. You're, you know, you're women that can question behavior. And, well, this is, this is the thing I will always ask. And sometimes, and sometimes you don't want to know, because I'm like, I'm sick of finding out that they've done all these things. But anyway, this happens to me a lot, obviously, but I'd said to him, why are you telling you can tell me this. I think it's me, and I think it's rude. I think why tell me all this? And he said to me, who are you going to tell like you're in Melbourne? So you're not going to be able to no one else will be able to no one else in Brisbane. Like, no, you don't know anyone there. They're going to find out. Disclaimer, I have a podcast, and you fucked me over, so I'm going to talk about you now. That is Nock. You've never, ever gone into detail about any stories, and I feel like you really thought about this. So there's this. The reason for sharing is, like, when I get to the end of the story, it'll be clearer. But the reason for sharing is because I know that there's so many women out there that put up with this shit from guys for way too long, and then they judge themselves for like, earlier. And then, as girlfriends, what we do is we go, oh, you should have done this. And you're like, thanks for that. That's not helpful, you know, like, it's like, that's what I'm saying about the system with like, you listening, you listen, and you don't judge me. Because really, I'm already judged me. I'm already thinking, why am I still talking to this dude on Saturday? Because what? I was doing on Saturday was doing on Saturday was I was trying to talk him into ethical, non monogamy and polyamory, treating these women better. I'm trying to because he reckons I'm never gonna know who it is. That's true. I'm never gonna know who it is. So I'm trying to teach you a better human I'm spending why today? Anyway, he we got back to the hotel, decided to have a nap before watching him. Said, you nap if I'll snore. So you know what then happens, don't you? He naps and I didn't, because he did snore. We get to MJ, thanks for. MJ, best show in my life. Like, it was so fun. It was very awesome. It was epic. And I'm on a high at this point, so I'm on a high watching. MJ, we came back to the hotel, we got dressed out for dinner, and I'm like, okay, great. On the home run, I can do dinner. And then, you know, we go to a pub, we'll have a drink, and then they'll be the end of it, right? So we do dinner. Dinner was actually quite nice because, like, I started to control how we what we chatted about, that's always like, so I started to, like, I was trying to teach him to be a better human. Like, you can sleep with a lot of women, just be honest with them. Just, like, tell them there's other women. And if those women don't don't want to do that, that's their choice. Put don't force them into that. Don't force. Just, it's not even forcing. It's manipulation. I don't know what's what. Yeah, that's not nice. And there's so many, there's so many trickery. Like, if they knew that that was his MO like they wouldn't have said yes and he watched his reactions to their messages. He doesn't care. He just didn't care about any of them. It's all okay. And I'm saying, anybody male friends? Why don't you hang up your male friends more often? Because he's like, I'll just fill in my time seeing chicks, because I've got time in between seeing the girls. He's, you know, like, I'm just filling time, like, filling time with friends, filling time doing something outside them, hurting people. Yeah, seeing shows three times, then ton of chips you saw with your sister. Your sister's never seen it, you know, like, he does have a sister. Anyway, I gotta get to the last bit. So we're in this hub PJ O'Brien's, and which I suggested to go to. And the foot was on. So he starts watching the footy, and I'm thinking, I'm so done with this. I spent the whole day you're trying to make your life better, and now we're watching the footy. I fucking can't stand it, you know, like, so I'm just wandering around the pub, and I sat down, and then he came to see me, right? So we had a nice chat when I chat, and we just and chat. And we just started rubbing my leg, like you in my leg. And this is where you judge yourself. I let him rub my leg, right? And then he says to me, the date that I'm going to have next week with the chick from Friday night. This is what I'm going to do with her. That's it. I go. I don't want to hear about it. I said, I get it. You don't want to have sex with me. I get it. You're having sex with a bunch of people. You'll be happy that to tell them about it, even though, you know I would want to, because I don't like how you treat women, I said, and you're still doing it over and over and over again. Why are you doing that? And he's like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize he did. Yeah, he absolutely did. Anyway, so we go to walk to the next pub. I'm thinking, I just want a couple more drinks, like at the store. Yeah. Anyway, we walk into the pub, and he goes, Oh, actually, I'm gonna leave now. I go. Wait a minute. He goes, you go into the pub. I'm gonna go back to the hotel. Okay? The hotel. Okay, so, yeah, this has turned into an epic fail. Just leaves me there. At this point, I'm robable, right? So I do this lack of young and Jackson, you know, like women when they're, like, on a mission, yeah, then I went straight back to the hotel, you know, how about five minutes. I didn't have to get my google maps out. You know, I can never find anything in my home. You don't know anything about this. Didn't even have to get my google maps out. So I was like, was he in the hotel when I got there? So I texted him, and I said, You Why me? Like, why he goes me. He did arrive at the hotel room within the next five minutes. And then that was it. That was it. He copped a barrage of kV because I was by this point, I fully judged myself. I'm like, I can't believe that. Number one, I invited this guy to come time with me. I paid for everything. And number three, I'm spending my time making his life better after he's not done. What did you think I go, Yeah, I don't need to meet people more than once to be kind to everyone. It's not even that. It's the way I feel that it's the way I feel that he presented himself from the initial contact and every interaction from there, whether, even though you weren't in the same state, the conversation was deep. The conversation was, you know, you know, held some emotional intelligence. It was, you know, interactive discussion. Just be a good human, yeah, wanting to be 100% and it's, it's wise, it's absolutely anyway. So I said to him, so I said to him, I understand what you're doing, why you in this to me, you know that that really causes me pain. You've seen a bunch of times over the weekend, I am so like, over like, you doing that, and then, like, not giving a shit, I said, I said your mother was right. You did never grow up. She was he told me that over the weekend. I said she you did never grow up. Like, I can't believe that you claim to have this integrity. You've learned what to say to get what they you need, but you don't have anything to back it up. I said, I'm disgusted. I'm absolutely disgusted. And so then I'm just I don't know what else I said to be honest with you, you know, when you when you just flip the switch, I think, thinking that I'm in love with him or something, and that I'm like, that I've got issues, because I'm wanting to be it, to be something more than it is. No, I just wanted to be a human. I just want him to have some sense of humanity, right? And so I'm like, I'm like, I can't believe this is happening. Like, you know, blah, blah, blah. Anyway. So then I lie back down anyway that fall asleep. I thought, this is the people pleaser. This is where this is where, this is the this is where I judge myself. And the same thing I made him, which is what I thought on the Saturday morning. I thought I would book a flight. You did not, you did not know, but if it was anything circumstances, but the whole time the people please, it comes out. You think, oh, well, I asked for this, like, I invited him, and I was just a few more hours, you know, like, you know, like, that whole thing, and then something came up, you know, fuck this. If he sleeps over, this is not going to have impacted his life at all. He's not going to have given a shit at all. It's feeling very different next place. And he'll just enjoy that he's seeing him do, which I'm presuming is why he came, because I know why the fuck he came to besides to hurt me. Like and and so he says. So I said to him, Look, can you leave? Like, why are you still here? And he goes, Oh, do you want me to leave? And I said, Yes. And he goes, why? And I said, because I'm about to cry, and I don't want you to see it or hear it anyway. It was too late. I started crying. I pulled him. He pulled covers over your head, put covers over my head, and I'm stuck the ball. He said something. I don't know what he said, because I was like crying, and I put stopped crying, and I back, was back, and I said, I said, you're still here. And he said, Oh, do you want me to go? And I said, Yes, I've already asked you to go. So then he puts his clothes on, and then he said, so I'll go for a couple of hours and come back. I go, No, I've asked you to leave. This is now the third time I've asked you to leave. Anyway. He finally gets dressed and he leaves, and I lock the door even I'm just like walking my eyes out, and I'm thinking, Oh, that's right before he left, I said to him, I said to him, I don't understand how you can do this to somebody and you can treat them like that and you don't care. And he said, What do you mean? And I said, I'm well, upset. And I said, Do you not like? What do you feel about he goes, I'm happy. I don't care. I said that. I'm upset, and he goes emotional turmoil, like emotional abuse. He goes because it doesn't affect me. I'm happy anyway. I'm gonna be happy no matter what happens. Like I'm a happy person. I don't get that. And I thought, gotcha. We're dealing with somebody who doesn't have real feelings. And then it clicked in me that I was spending time with my ex husband, and we won't call him sociopath, because I'm not qualified to say that. We'll just say that we had sociopathic like tendencies, because he had no feelings at all. I'm boring my eyes out. I don't even care if he thought that was ridiculous overreaction. You know, why I was crying, crying for all those fucking women that he's treating badly. And then he put me in the position where I know and he and like, I can't tell them, I can't warn them, and if I fell for it, they fucking are, for sure, because I was all over it. I'm so embarrassed. You know, there's a term I mentioned this week. You know there's a duty of care. There's a duty of care. There's actually a duty to warn. And here we are. We are warning those women out there of this man, go find him. I will find him. If anyone else wants to complete this mission with me, like, please send me a message. I'm on a mission. Like, this is this? I can't believe that women are treated like this often, and it broke my heart when you told me, because I didn't even want to date him. All I wanted to do was have sex. Like, I didn't even want to date him. I can't even fucking spend two days with him because he was that much of an asshole, like, and didn't care. Like, I don't know anyone that doesn't care when someone else is crying. And like, I had been so kind and so gracious, like, about the fact that he forgot everything when I slept on the couch, like, spent the whole day trying to make him feel better, do I mean, like, not make him feel better, make him better. And then the thing the clicker was, that's not a word, but, you know, I'm saying I woke up in the morning and got dressed, got myself organized, went downstairs and paid my bill, and I had to pay for the breakfast, the breakfast that he said that he was gonna pay for, you know, fucking as I'm gonna do to make up for me. So I spent 10 times more than he did over the weekend. You know what? I know, I understand the financial addition. Like, there's the sum of it all. It's not even about that. For me, I think, like sitting here as a friend having to listen to what you've endured for that period of time, I think it's all people bullshit, and you just shouldn't have to put up with that behavior. No one should have to put up with that behavior. And I'm sorry that you had to experience that. I mean, like, Did you sorry? The reason I wanted to share too is, like, I want to share the whole story because there's so many people to listen to the story. And say, should have dumped on the Friday night. Should have said something. You can feel you should have done this. Should have done this. I get it. I feel that I get it. I know I agree. I agree. But this is what we do. This is what we do. We put up with this shit from guys, and then I'm trying to make his life better. What the fuck? What the fuck I'm admitting that I'm doing all of this because I'm hoping that there's someone else out there that's done the same. It's also going to wake up and go, it's not your fault, it's not your fault, not your fault. I spent two days like I couldn't I just, my gut was just absolutely churning. And then last night, on the third night, I actually started to minimize it. I'm lying on my couch at home going, Oh, well, maybe, you know, I mean, I slept with a lot of people, so, you know, maybe he's just like, you know, like me. Because, you know, it's like, whatever. I'm starting to like, this is, this is where my brain goes. I'm starting to make it okay what he's done. Because then I can excuse myself. I can excuse myself for not acting earlier because I'm blind. Because I'm blaming me for what he's done. And like to say, I want to say to women, I get it. I've done it. I just did it this weekend. If you've done it too, like, love yourself. I love you. We love you. We just we don't deserve this. We don't have this. I didn't ask for this. I didn't make up something I didn't like. Like. I didn't picture him in my head to be something he wasn't. He presented himself that way, deliberately and consistently. I don't know what he wanted, free music and still unclear, but yeah, things that are the free musical it was, and you've had no contact with him now, right? Like I did, I messaged he said to me as he was leaving, I know you're going to I don't know if you want to hear from me tomorrow or not, but I am going to message you to check in. He did not message me to check in, and I messaged him with a longer message detailing all of the things that I felt, where I was disrespected over the weekend, and then he did not reply to that. Yeah, what was he going to say? But what I love is that you didn't retreat. You stood up for yourself. You put it in writing. So not only did you speak and you use your own voice to say, this is not okay, leave you then put it in writing. And whatever comes from that comes from that now, but here you are sharing from the depths of your heart with our audience to hopefully, you know, connect and build some rapport with others that show, hey, this does happen even to me. KV that, you know, we're all over it sometimes, but because the worst thing is you just feel so stupid. I feel so stupid, like, Have I not seen it? He deliberately made sure I didn't see it. Yeah. I think so. I think the mask dropped, and I'm really sorry that it was on that weekend that you had, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, I think from here, if you've, you know, tuned in and something with the story has resonated with you, please, like, contact us. Let's continue this conversation. Let's continue the community of female, you know, support and love. Because, yeah, I really do think that there's some power and magic in that. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you've had those feelings come to the boil, but I do feel as though this is quite cathartic and really beneficial for people to hear Yeah, your vulnerability has been received, and I love you, and I hope you that you're okay, chicks before dicks mate. Love you. Thanks for listening to sex in the one you.