First Birthday

Welcome to Sex and the one the podcast with B and KV getting down and dirty about all things, love, life, sex, dating and relationships. Let's roll back 12 months of podcasting with you. Yeah, from our little country, tiny house to studios to hotel rooms to interstate trips, we've done it all. I know it's like, it's, um, it almost feels like it's been 10 years. And it also doesn't feel like it's been a whole year, you know, like at the same time, yeah and yeah, we thought we'd probably thought we'd spend a bit of time, for those of you know might be tuning in for the first time. We can do a bit of a recap of where we came from, how we how the pod came about, like, like, We actually just had spoke someone recently who said, Oh, six of the one. I said, because your book's called The One. And I said, yeah, yeah, it is, yeah. So yeah, just for the people that don't know and for the people that want to reminisce with us, this is the episode. We're going to talk about all things, first birthday club, dating relationships, yes, updating relationships, yeah. So let's go back. Let's go back when I was writing my book, and we were chatting on the phone, and I said, Oh, you know, be so good if we could talk about the book in some capacity. And we still don't know who come up with the idea of doing a pod. Do we? No, I think it was more because we were in so much conversation about the topics that we were just like, oh, we think everyone should be in on our chats. Yeah. And it was such a deep, thoughtful, thought provoking conversation. I think we should put this out to everyone, yeah. And that's where I think that it all came down from. And then I hired a tiny house that we had no you would have no reception, no reception, no network, no Internet, and we had every sound you could think of. So if you go back to our pilots, which is a very funny episode, yeah, sound was so shit, yeah. And thankfully, we didn't think to put the microphones close. Put the microphones close to our mouth, which was actually a good thing, because we were recording on two computers, and your computer didn't work the sound from my microphone for you, which is why you're quieter than me in the first nine episodes, We probably should. The content was good. It was good in that first story that broke the internet, the naked man. Yeah, the naked man, you know, what? If I saw him again now, I'd probably give him a hug, because thank you for changing my life. Naked man. Changing my life naked, man. Yeah, rocking up, rocking up on a date in the middle of the day, in the middle of, you know, a well lit area, you know, like, it's just amazing to to appear naked in the middle of June as well. It was. And, yeah, no, he wasn't. You were too mortified he was naked in the middle of a bush track, yeah? And I would have been, yeah. I thought, I mean, you know, immediately jumping through that, okay, how am I gonna get to get some clothes on the scenario? But anyway, yeah, but yeah, it was so cool, because I remember when we met at the thing at the tiny house, you said to me, You gave me a big hug, and you go, I haven't told a single soul during this podcast. And my girlfriend got so mad at me for not telling, yeah, what did they say? I got messages like, Why didn't you tell us? Like, why is he such a surprise? And I don't know, like, our relationship to me has always been this way. I've never like it just is we talk every day, and other friends I don't do that with. So for me, it was just like, This is who I am. You don't have to tell you everything. But at the same time, I was really scared. Yeah, I was really scared about what was going to what we were going to talk about, what we were going to talk about, what vulnerabilities within our lives, we were going to share, how that would affect me, how that affect my husband, how that affected and we've gotten to a point now where I think there's nothing else left. At the start, you were just interviewing me. Yeah, you said, I'll do it if you if I'm just interviewing you, and you're the person who's written the book, and I'm going to be the interviewer. And I mean, I agree to that, knowing that you would. And then eventually we and then, of course, my favorite episode to this day probably will, certainly the early ones was be in the hot seat when I got to turn the tables and ask you questions. We had the card in your hand, yeah? And it's one of the most, well, you know, most watched episodes, yeah. Besides the pilot, the pilots, like, obviously right up there, yeah, just saucy talk and, yes, like, you know, the OG episodes, yeah, very, very popular. I've actually got a few comments. I was looking at it earlier from from ages ago, people saying, I can't stop laughing. Someone had mentioned the Cougar rule, and they learned this 20 years ago and still refer to it after all this time. So I remind everyone of the Cougar rule. So the Cougar rule is you're allowed to date someone or have sexual relations with someone. Allowed being like, this is a joke thing. Half your age plus seven years three, so half my age is 20s, yep, plus seven years is 34 for me, and yours is 136, minus. What is it minus? Oh, half that what's 36 divided by two is 1818, 2525 for you. Yeah, doesn't sometimes it feel really young, yes, yeah, yeah. Okay, so what's some comments that were written earlier on? I can see this podcast going for a few more. Podcast going for a few more years. The way you two are open minded about all things. And you know, what's funny is you and I both thought, Oh, I hope we don't run out of material. I know and like that is not a problem. We have so much material we don't have time to even scratch the surface notes from the material we've got. Yes and thank you. I want to say thank you to your smoothie bar community, because they've been vulnerable and open with you and us, and they've, you know, really contributed to our weekly discussions. And I want to mention them because I know I'm not physically there to see them and thank them, but I really do appreciate their time that they give to our pod and to you. They do, especially podcast questions. Yes, people are very honest, and so honest. I mean, it's really great, because when the book came out, a lot of them read it, and so a lot of them then did feel comfortable sharing with me, because they knew, yeah, and so I wasn't just asking for I tell me all your life, well, I'm not gonna share mine. They know all mine. And also they know I'm asking for educational purposes, which, and I don't know about you, but I'm finding the funnest part about this poll is that we can say I've got a pole. That's why I have to know this. You know, we can rock up to things. We can watch things that we wouldn't normally, necessarily watch, because, you know, it's research, some research, and we can do a lot of stuff. You go to the museum of design for research and go to Amsterdam for research. What's of orange, yes, and they are in Amsterdam at the moment, and they went to the Red Light District, and they all dressed in the most promiscuous outfits. One lady had this beautiful lace, like black Caesar with like, a bra and a little, you know, shorties on, and they got to dance in a red light district window. Oh, are we going to do that? Yes, yes. Like, how fun is that? Yeah. I told you about your dream. You know that is going, definitely going. Yeah. Someone sent me some pictures from Paris too. There's like, a whole street in Paris, yes, yeah. We're gonna do Moulin Rouge is, you know, that's red light district. Moulin Rouge, that strip is their red light district. Yeah, nice. Yeah. We're going there. Someone's written love the friendship between you two, both, and look forward to listening every week. Firstly, you were so right on how sex is ingrained to be the act to make a baby. It really got the old brain cogs turning. It's not really something I thought about until today, and we've got, like, so many comments like that that have happened over the whole year where, and this is what makes us really have lost our hearts, is we don't want people to do life like we do life, because they and I don't even have a similar life at all ourselves. We want people to feel comfortable to do their own and feel educated with the information, but also they feel confident to be themselves and like we don't believe should belongs in the English language, because people should do whatever they want to, get the fuck they want to, and people are free to live their own lives, which was the point of the book, and it's the point of the pod, is to release the shame that is associated with a lot of these things, and it's okay. I've achieved that, like this year. I feel that we have with, you know, yes, the comments like online, but what about the personal comments, like the ones that you'll get sent to you in your messenger, or, yeah, you know, personally from people that may you You've a friend of mine, you know, when you don't know people are listening, and then you get that random like, you know, maybe we're a couple of months in, and a girlfriend of mine reached out that I hadn't seen in a few years, like, physically seen. But, you know, when you're on socials, you feel like you see everyone all the time. Yes, and she reached out. And it was, it was a bit of a message, but it was so kind and so uplifting. And honestly, it made me go, it's why we do what we do. Yeah? And it was just one married woman to another. I'm so proud of you for sharing. Thank you for getting me through my cleaning sprees. Yeah? I just, I could listen all day, but it was the whole like, you're like, what you're saying, I understand. I feel, yeah, yeah. I you know. It's, like, and you and I both have that in common. We like the heart to hearts. Everything. Anything that's hard to heart, is it we're down to and and also, when people like question themselves, when they go, I've always thought of life this way, but you made me go, Oh, I've had a lot of people, especially with monogamy, just over the year, and that was one of the earlier topics, yeah, yeah, yeah. And people think I'm so staunchly non monogamous, not non monogamous, not non monogamous, but I'm just single, so let's all just calm down, people, but, but, like, a lot of people went, I get it, I get it. And, like, just getting it is awesome, and that's all that's required. People just need to have think, have thought about that other people might want to live their life differently to them. And that was one of the initial points that we made. Like, I remember when we when we first started, we don't even think we'd started recording it. And we each went, let's do it, like an Instagram post or like, tick tock post on what sex in the one means to us? Yes. And it was like, we just want to give people the platform and the opportunity to talk about something that isn't doesn't have to be taboo. Like, if you want to talk about it, yeah, you want to talk about it. And we just want to open that dialog for people. And I think we have Yeah, 100% like, we want to say we love sex. We've always wanted to say we love sex. We have sex, yeah? And we like, we like having sex. We like talking about sex. And as we were discussing earlier, I now get to discussing earlier, I now get to talk about it all day, every day, and there there's no negatives to that. Yeah, it's very awesome. Yeah, so let's talk about some of the previous episodes I'm gonna read. You know what you think about this? Like, gosh, I hope I remember body count. Oh, that was, that was you. Everyone thought it was you, and now they're surprised about the numbers we were just talking about, like, that doesn't matter, like, it's an experience. Is an experience like we mentioned, like we didn't talk about how many there were. It wasn't about that. And there shouldn't be any shame in it. Well, I think we talked a fair bit about how, like in society, if a man's body fat goes up, he's better, and a woman's her value decreases, there's, there is no actual physical thing that makes that true, other than society's perceptions of needing to control women and their joy. And I mentioned this recently. I was actually a guest speaker on a podcast recently, yes, you were called the true north show. And I was talking about this, it's like the woman had said to me, oh, you know, orgasm is the best feeling on the planet. And I go, yeah, they're the most regulated for women, we're shamed for loving them. And yet, it's like, it's phenomenal to experience an orgasm, but you're only allowed to have it with this guy once, when you're married and do this, and somehow your vagina gets bigger if you have sex with more men, but you have sex with your husband every day. It doesn't but it's insanely. It doesn't like, I mean, it's like the ridiculousness of this whole you put it like that, it's just insane. Okay, threesets. We talked about threesomes, about you too, and maybe my fantasies. Well, no, actually, it wasn't about me. It was about you and your thruster. Oh, fucking hell. That's when I divulged the thruster is so funny person that is so funny smart books. Now that was definitely me living in that world. Yeah. And then I found a little community to be involved in online. I was talking to somebody yesterday, who I was asking podcast question of the week, and the question was, and she said, a guy's name I've never heard of. And I thought, who's that? And she said he is an AI guy from my smart book. So if somebody wrote a smart book, he's detailed this guy, sounds amazing. And then in this book, someone's drawn this guy who's not real, and she is fully lusting after this not real person from us, from the smart book. But that's what you do when you read, you get lost in the, yeah, in the imaginary men like, and he's actually an imaginary man. And like, as apparently there's quite a lot of people that actually are enjoying this whole a literature, literature and AI generated men that actually was look at the replying to your messages and not cheating. How awesome is that? Blow jobs and menopause? Can you imagine how that episode went down? I wonder who had the menopause and who was given the blow jobs? Oh, my God. It took me so long just to say anything then, because I was pissing myself laughing. This is before you were in the hot sex. This is the next one was when you were in the hot seat. Oh, Lord, what? I give away that? Oh, that episode was about sex on the balcony in Vegas, yeah, and how, and how it was after your daughter's name wasn't it, wasn't it Aria, yeah, so the hotel we stayed at was a cosmopolitan, yeah, and that balcony looked out on area, and that's Aria. That's where you come from. Me there. Oh, her name came from, but you did things there. Yeah, you did. Brought our kids back there to watch the balcony that your parents have sex in Okay, that's not true. I hope it's not. Then we did, we did the quizzes. So that was the love languages and the BDSM love those quizzes, yeah? And I think that they're very helpful. Yeah, I'm speaking about love languages the other day, yeah, I was having very difficult position about like, it just seems to me like this relationship is not working because they don't know their own love languages. Everything could be solved. The problem could be solved if you just fucking knew how to love each other and what each other and what each other needs. Yeah? Because, like, if the woman needs the speaking ones and he's trying to physically do something, she ain't gonna it's not matching mowing the lawns. Gonna help me, buddy. Yeah? Sorry. So then we had special, our very first special guest, which was my all time favorite all guest, I will say, your husband. Oh, he was wonderful. And one of the things I remember about that those episodes is we did one episode with just me and Anthony said, I'm out of here. I'm not even going to be in the episode. And I was like, what? And she was like, you'll talk differently if I'm not there. And I'm like, okay, whatever. So she starts us both in a bed, and then says, I'm going, I'm going to the next room. And then we had the next episode we recorded with you there, and you didn't know what we talked about the previous episode, and I'd asked the question, and you went, Oh, that sounds pretty deep. And I'm like, she's gonna really shock, because we went really deep, all that deep ears and all the things that he's concerned about, and he was just like a beautiful, shining light of a man, and he's what so women who feel like they might settle could watch that episode and realize don't, because others might too. I've always had this thing, and I've said this to you from the start, like I'm really worried about sharing our love story. I don't want it to come across to people in the wrong way, like, I want everyone to find that if that's what you want, yeah, and yes, I think that's the best way to put it, like you, he exists, yeah. And we're not perfect, like we each have our flaws, like it's but it is a beautiful love story. As a man, I feel like he really is in tune, 1000 pounds aware, and gives me my space, and we can connect. We communicate everything that I could ask of him, he is, and you all deserve that too. Yeah, and, but, but, but, if you want, but full stop, that's awesome, because if women don't, don't show the beauty and the awesomeness, we won't think it exists, and then we might put up with, you know, dumbass, which, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just what I've done many, many times. Um, okay, so then we have the we had the, we talked about the big O, which were. Then we had gutto, our very first real guest, yes, so interesting backstory, yeah, don't know it, yeah, let's tell the backstory, because no one knows this. We had agreed, or we had book of flights to fly to the Gold Coast to interview someone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to? You can talk about that we had, I was talking to someone at the time who I thought was a high value man that I thought be really good. Like to back up ants, because we want to be at that time, we were looking for men that we could use as examples to show women they're out there, like, you know, the fucking needle in a haystack, but they are there. And circumstances occurred, yeah? And rocks got overturned, and the truth was revealed, yeah, yeah. And and then we realized we didn't want to was the right person, yeah, not in his current state. No, no, yep. So then we were like, well, we've got, we're already, just stick to it. And we were walking around captive Avenue, and there's a place called cheeky waffles, and we went there and got our cheeky waffle, and met good, yeah, he served us, and we connected instantly, and his vibe got us. And then we interviewed him on the pod, and he was great, yeah, yeah. He was great, yeah. He was great. It was like, it was also meant to be, yeah. And that other situation, I'm sure, resolved itself, and he's gone and done his own journey, as we all do, because no judgment, because mate, we all do stuff that we want to, need to learn from. And some things are in alignment, and some things are but like, Yeah, we all just, you know, wish people well, don't we? Yes, moving on. So then we interviewed Chloe, yes, so she was our first single lady that we interviewed. Yeah, that was a really good two parter. Yep, she got really vulnerable. She had a tear. Actually, I think we shed, I shed a tear as well. Yeah, just trying to, like, not trying to, like, empathizing with the single woman, yeah, and what that looks like, and what that feels like, because it was different for her than it is for me, because I've had my children and she hasn't had children. Different ball game to be here. I can be in the game where I'm just like, no, like, not invested at all, but now she's going on a fertility journey of her own egg retrieval. And yeah, so got her talking, got her thinking, yeah, yeah, sure did. And then we've had a whole bunch of other guests since then, because we, you know, we expanded our circle of like minded souls, and we've met so many great people on the journey. What is the moment that stands out the most to you from the God, a moment that's Oh well, when we first started this, this was a springboard from the one, right, yes. And in the one you mentioned, you know, you really break down everything that has transpired over your journey and what what's led you to this point in varying ways. And I think for me, what stood out is the episode where you make reference to your divorce and how that all went down, and what that looked like for you, and how I know we've talked about it, but we hadn't talked about it like that before. And I feel like the fact that you could go there, not only for your own cathartic like reasons, but the fact that you could share with the audience the way you did, and me in that room at the time, like that space was really special. And yeah, that was a moment for me, for you, in a way, yeah, being able to be there to hear that, yeah, I felt honored. And yeah, I was lucky to have you there and hear it the way that it went down. And I think that that would have helped a lot of people. Thank you. It's one of those things that's really interesting. Being vulnerable is exhausting, exhaust, because I remember we filmed a bunch of episodes, but often they're the most rewarding ones, aren't they? So and and usually for me, anyway, the hardest things in life have been the best things, like when you look back, because they turn you on to a new trajectory. You would never, I would never have experienced any of this. I wouldn't met you had I still been married now, I would have been living that's true. Yeah. Like, like, a whole different life unfolded. So it was a massive gift, and it was also humiliatingly horrific, yeah, but, like, it's cool though now for me, because this is, like, obviously 15 years ago, I'm getting anywhere. I feel I can. I can go through something, I'm in the middle of it, and I can, I can see the gift that it is in the middle, whereas often from that experience, yeah, yeah, now, but I could never do that before, but now I can. Yeah, you are a different person. We will become a different person. But I want to, I want to talk about, like, my standout moment for you, I'm sorry that wasn't about you, like you asked me what my standout moment was, like that episode, yeah, that's fine. Something about you're fine. So is being the hot seat, as I've talked about when you talked about the seeing that, seeing that, seeing the psychologist, and the advice that you've been about the balls of the bed, and you use the ball on me today, you'd said to me, drop the plastic ball, Chris, just drop the plastic ball. It's no glass, and it's the fucking best advice ever. And I could not be more grateful have you, as my friend Happy Birthday and crying on the pot. What a shocker. But You're amazing. You're amazing, and I don't think sometimes you realize how amazing you are and how many people you helped with that episode, I had to fucking break to go to the psychologist for her to tell me, I have to pay a lot of money for that fucking example. That'd be $5 Thank you plastic ball, but you're still using it. So, I mean, I know that's the one thing I got out of there, and then the bed diagram thing you did, yeah, I think that's really important for parents to remember if you want your relationship to stay intact 100% like I get it, they're not going to be little forever, but you also need to cherish if you want to This then leads into, I'm sure an important episode for you is the drift. Yeah, so that's how the drift and relationships can occur. It starts in the bedroom, you know, like with you don't if you share the bed with your child, then, you know, the drift can be created from there. Can't it can be it can be created in multiple ways. It was not really like that for me personally, but I just remember that moment. Yeah, it was massive in our marriage. Yeah. What's the funnest bit? Let's end on a happy note. The funnest bit, I just love the laughing and, like, the ecstasy that the the chats have bought us, and the connections that we've made, I wouldn't have made them otherwise. Yeah, you know what I mean, yeah. And the adventures we've been on, well, like, you and I've liked, I've liked, like, let's nudge the needle a little bit. Let's just say this. And then now there's nothing you won't say. There's just nothing. We won't say there's nothing we won't do because, because we have not had, our fears have not been realized. People have been really supportive, and we are so grateful for the audience, for our friends and our family, because, like, we have not had, there is no one in our life that's gone. You're a psycho. Get out. They might think that they just don't say it, no, but like, how's it happened? We're so lucky. We are lucky. Yeah. Anyway, Love you. Love you. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you for listening to us for 12 months, yeah, and over the next 12 Yes. Bye. Thanks for listening to sex in the one, an original podcast created by KB and B, produced by b and KB, content by KB and B. Enthusiasm for sex, B and you.