Breakups

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Welcome back. Welcome you know me, don't you? What do I love the most when I come home from work late at night? What do I do? Reality TV? Yeah, to do reality TV. I've also been watching some real TV. Real TV. I mean, TV series. Can I tell you my TV's not even plugged in to suck girl. How do you switch off? You do tick tock

though? Yeah, I scroll. I actually watch movies and stuff.

Yeah? Sometimes. Well, I watch movies back movie night with

my kids. I love that didn't put my phone on this thing anyway. I need to talk about this. Okay, I need to get off my chest the summer temporary spoiler alert for anyone that's listening that watches like stop now. I'll give you a second to pause and what. Catch up to date and join and listen to this once you've watched it. Spoiler me, but that's okay, so basically, I'm taking it so two best friends, yeah, they are from Boston. Basically, they live in Massachusetts, Boston, and they each have two children. Each one's a girl and boy belly and Stephen and the other two, Jeremiah Conrad, right? So they spend every summer together, you know, as you do, it's like the Hamptons of the of that particular area. So they go to cousins every year. And there's a three part series of books called the summer of temporary and each book is a different year. So every year that they go back, there's more stories to be taught, because they say the whole summer, right? Their whole summer holidays. And she basically starts when they arrive. And she's a teenager now. So you've missed all these of, you know, forming beautiful bonds, like, you know brother sister relationships, like they know each other very, very well. Anyway, it's a love triangle. Of course, it is so belly in the middle, and she's always had this thing for Conrad, but he is the guy. He's a misunderstood guy, right? That he's always he's the older brother, so he will do something to protect his brother, or he'll say yes to things just because he knows that that's the right thing to do, but not because he wants to do that, right? So he and belly get together. We're talking teenage love. Like beautiful thing. 16 they turn she turned 16 in the first season, right, right? And He's two years older than her, so, yeah, 18 ish, and then she started her 21st birthday in the last in the last one. So it's over, like, a three, four year period, right? Lots more than that, six years. Not good at math, that's okay, but, and sometimes I sit there, and I've spoken to girlfriends about he's like, Why the fuck are we sitting here watching teenage romance? Like, what is it about it? And I put it down to love. Like, yeah, I love the love, yeah. And I was telling and about it, because he's like, so what is this? And he actually caught me watching the last episode, like, the most recent episode of said, eight Season, three people. He sat there with me. I was like, this is really sad. Like, he got all the feels like, I want to watch it. I couldn't. I can't even wait to find out what happened. The next week, I went and bought the third book. And bought the third book, right? Just so I could get up to date and so you would know already, following the book closely from what I'm going I feel like the TV show is more descriptive than what the book is like. The books easy read, I'm finished. It just started yesterday. Went and bought it. Literally. Yeah. Anyway, episode nine comes out on Wednesday, people. But yeah. So she's in love with Conrad, whatever she thinks she loves, like she doesn't even see the other brother coming, but the other brothers, like an underdog that will fuck things up for her and Conrad, and no one knows that he's done that like that. He's, you know, there's this envy and jealousy underlying their relationship, and him observing it. He wants her. He loves her anyway they end up being together for like, four plus years whilst in college, because Conrad fucks it up, because he just can't be honest about his feelings. His mom has just passed away from cancer, like he's dealing with all of that, and he just can't say, I feel this way about you, like he wants Ellie to be happy, and if that's with his brother, then that's where it needs to be. And we're all looking at the screen going no, like, this is not how it's meant to be. Like we know that you're meant to be together. And so why? Why is he doing that? I don't know. I honestly think it's to protect them both, like he's got that older brother, older sibling sort of character, and just can never He never speaks his emotions, and he's just always fleeting. Whenever something gets too hard, he runs away. He, you know, went to move to the other side of the state, to live in California, to go to Stanford and study medicine, so then he wouldn't have to see her like he she has his pool over him. And the way it's described and articulated in the book and in the movie, in this TV show, why is that so good that he's not being honest and saying the truth? No, he's good. Okay? But storyline before the plot. But what I love is how they show how much he loves her, because they do like the whole monolog thing in your head, and what he's saying and the way he looks at her. And it's nice to see, nice to see a man in love. He's so nice. So they break up. Well, they break up, and he starts suffering from panic attacks, right? And at the funeral, Megan goes upstairs and captures him lying on some other girl whilst she thinks like something's going on, but nothing's going on. He admits, like, a year later, he's like, I was having a panic attack because she was just consoling me. But that turn of events is what swayed her to hate him. So he didn't even have the guts to say this is actually what happened, because the next minute, she was Jermaine, she's the next brother. It's just a juicy drama. Yeah, she spends like, over four years with his brother. She finds out that he cheats on her on a Mexican Cabo spring break trip, because it's the Jeremiah your brother, and she decides to get back with him. And on the day that she gets back with him, he proposes to her prematurely. So they're like, six to get engaged. Everyone's against it. The mum's against her, the dad's against it. No one wants to support their marriage. They're, you know, they're in their early 20s. Yeah, she's 2020, 21 and you can understand, if you watch it, like, why I understand that. Anyway, everyone gets on board in the end, on that day, doesn't go Conrad. Conrad is like, I love you. Like, I love you. I've always loved you. It's just amazing. Anyway, that's where we're up to. Okay, okay, so she doesn't get married, and Jeremiah knew all along that she loved one night, but he was gone with it because she genuinely thought that they could make something work, and they just couldn't. So just, did you? How do you think this then relates to real life? Like, number one, why do people love this stuff? And number two, why? Like, why do people try to make relationships work with the wrong people? Like, they're my two questions. I think lots of people actually try to make relationships. They make relationships work with the wrong person. And that's why our divorce rate is probably what they are. I guess there's not many like I think, I think the circles of women eyeing around, I don't know. I think they all love their husbands or mom gathering and they're willing to do anything and put in the effort to make the marriage work like it's it's not easy. It's very difficult. But I think, you know, people don't want to be vulnerable, and people are scared, and if they are ashamed to leave, or they're scared to make that choice and not know what's on the other side, like that. All. Coleman, certainly unknown isn't sometimes people that's scarier than just stay. I'm sure it's most of the time. It's scarier than saying a lot of people have to require something really, really, really significant, yeah, to leave relationships. Yeah, me included. Yeah, yes, yeah. But that wasn't even enough for her. That was enough when she found all that out and he slept someone else anyway. So I've just done some research about breaking up. You weren't sure about breaking up freely, to break up stories aside from the love I mean, if you've got a great love story, share it. But that's not really what this podcast isn't. It's not this week, not this week. But the first fact I found out was that, did you know? And I don't know why. I'll find out, but maybe give me some of your thoughts. December 11 is the most common day of the year to break up. Is it for divorce or to break up? Break up. What do you think? Is it just because it's before Christmas? Get out of buying presents? No, they're planning here, planning Christmas with the family. They go, I just can't do Yeah, this is your family more year, and I like him enough, or something. I don't know. I think December is, like, a very pivotal month of the year. It's like, you're going into that next chapter of the year. You're seeing family. Do I want this person at the family functions? There's a lot, yeah, minus February 8, yeah, 2000 I broke up in March the first one. So no, I can't relate to December. One of the facts you've got there? Okay, this is a story. Are you ready? Yes, a radio listener in New Zealand shared that she was recovering from cancer, okay, and her partner had taken her on this walk, so she'd recovered, and they were going down to the beach to watch the sunset. So she prepares. She gets all dressed up. She says, I know it's about to happen here, like I'm ready for this, you know? And he stood by her through the treatment, or so she thought he got down on my knee after 10 years. And he turns around to her, and he says, prank, I slept with your best friend. Is that real? It's a real story. She called the New Zealand radio station and shared this story. Did he want to really hurt her? Like it she was fucking heartbroken. Like, oh, she obviously, years later, she's sharing the story. She can share about that emotion. But how often they tell me they were like in their teenage years? I don't think so, from what I'm gathering anyway. Happy ending, she now has baby, and she recovered from cervical cancer and she married someone else. Married someone else. So that was the best thing. Pranks. After this breakup, the boyfriend went to jail, so she books all the visits for the year in advance, so no one else would go visit him. Just, Oh, I think that was funny. Solve the planet. That was really awkward about these things, because I'm like, save your energy for you. I agree. Yeah. Like, like, the anger and the hatred and all that stuff, like it's wasted on them, like they're gone. You don't have to think about them ever again. You know, is this revenge or is it? Yeah? Is being vindictive revenge? Yes, it is. Yeah. Like, revenge is a very harsh word, and if you can't get over like you're saying, and you want to put your energy into the wrong areas, like, what's going to come back? Yeah. So this one, okay, she found the boyfriend or the ex's dad on Tinder, so she slept with him. He was recently divorced, and she said before boyfriend a photo, but blocked him before he could

have, Oh, my word, he already did. She sleep

with the Father, yeah. So she started, I don't think she'd ever met him, from what I'm gathering, because he would have known, obviously, but she knew he was the dad, and so she slept, and then she slept with the Father, yep, and then sent him a picture of them, like, lying in bed together. Mostly, didn't

know. And I wonder who was better. I

know you're okay. Oh, so you say you go remote

guy, and then the dad's

like, 45 Yeah, we always make things work out in a dialog, don't we? What about, um, this wife made a birthday cake for her husband using the text messages between her husband and side chick. And this is, I'm gonna have to post this photo somewhere. I want people to see it. It's hilarious. Like, okay, I think I found on social media. So let's put it the naked circle special Facebook group. So in forest, the rice cake image is babe. I miss you so much. When are you coming over? She responds. I miss you too. Love maybe next Saturday. My stupid, oh, sorry, he responds. My stupid wife needs Megan is to speak for some house stuff. She responds, I hate her. You promise to break up with her. He responds, I know I will soon. I'm so tired of her, you can't imagine. Can't wait to see you this Saturday. Love heart, and she fucking got this message and made the biggest cake and put the image of the cake and served in the cake. And went, Yeah, Fuck you, motherfucker, yeah. I'd like to say I was that dramatic. Actually, I did do something dramatic. Yeah, when I separated, dramatic thing. So I got all so I had because I'd arranged, I arranged the whole thing, and so the kids would have the best experience out of the worst thing that ever was gonna happen to them. So I kind of like, pre planned it all. But because he came home and my kids went there, and I wasn't there, I did put all of his clothes onto the front wall, like, in back, it's like, not like, but then I did smash the wedding photo and put that on top of all the stuff. But my sister came, and she was going to be there for when he got there, so we had a whole thing pre planned, like, during the day, and she took it. She took the phone, yeah, it was in her car, yeah, but yeah, she kept it so you don't know, so he didn't see the evidence of mine. She goes, what if that way she was concerned that was making look bad in a certain circumstance, down the down track, like in court or something like that. And I'm like, he's a normal reaction, like, he's not taking me court for the kids. Yeah, well, she just didn't see things the way I did. But, I mean, I didn't even do that. I wasn't when I was angry, but I wasn't like, yeah, it was like, a couple like, for me to do it. I would do it again. I've got another story. Someone sent me this the other day. This guy had been married to his wife for like, you know, 2030, years, or whatever. Like, raised all these kids. He's got adult kids. He's got adult kids, and his wife went through a long battle with cancer and died. And six weeks later, he was with another new woman, and with her for a number of years, and she actually, unfortunately, became diagnosed with cancer, and he went, Yeah, I can't do this again. And so just left it while she went to he went to the hospital to visit her when she was having treatment, and said, Don't do this. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he's adult children are like, Yeah, my dad's like, a good person. My gosh, I mean, and that's clearly someone who never dealt with it the first time, yeah, like, and so therefore, can't do it again. Apparently, that's a and I'm gonna get the step. So I'm not gonna say step, but apparently, a lot more men leave women do men. Yeah, that's pretty, uh, challenging. Now, it's like, Oh, hey, yeah, I don't know. I think, like, you see fine in that a lot, but that's like, that's how I feel. I'm not in that situation, yeah? But it's tricky, though, because, like, just say and, and not me, I'm not actually,

mean, again, I know how something,

this is his memory and

become senior. Yeah, yeah. I've seen, I've seen couples like that. So the guy is in an aged care facility, even though he's 35 but he's his brain doesn't work like he's, you know, we call it dementia, or, I don't know, there's obviously names for it, but I wouldn't know. And they're no longer the person that they were like, are you then, from 37 years old, gonna remain with someone who's not all there for the rest of your life? That's tricky. Hey, I feel like that's grief, and it's harder to deal with knowing that they're actually live and, you know, they're in the physical presence, like in your physical presence, and they're not being able to, you know, share whether they want you to move on or not move on. Like, yeah. Like, you're not having those conversations. Are you not being like, Oh, this happens to you. Like, what you want me to do? It's not like that. So, um, stick by him for as long as, like, what he could Yeah, but yeah, I wouldn't be looking for it in that way, and you would, but it's like, there's, there's always a bonus in there. There's like, there's always a whole different series of circumstances. As you know, a believer in, I think it's the minority that is that actually is forever, and I think the majority, I don't actually necessarily judge the people that can't go through those things, like we can't go through the cancer. And I had someone come to me the other day and say their partner had said to them, said to them, if you get cancer, I'm out really, yeah. Oh, wow, yeah. Like, if you got cancer, I'm not gonna be able to handle that. You got to handle that on your own. Okay, I don't know, yeah. So that looks honest. It is honest, but I don't know what. I don't know how you can say that if you don't know what the journey is actually going to look like, it's preemptive. I think it's like the humanity wants this for everything, about lots of things so big. I want this to be forever. I want that to be forever. We don't know what's gonna happen. Nothing's forever. Not even, like, you know, yeah, no, you know. Like, so we've got this fantasy about things being like, saying as they are, yeah, and like, I'm now up to the ground like, Oh, this is exciting. What's this? What's five years ago, did I think I was gonna have a podcast? Are you like, fucking did tell everyone, every single detail, like myself, like, no, no, no. But like, it's like, Oh, what's this? And then, you know, pick me, all the people that resonated with that. Now, you know, we talk about sex all the time, to read all day, every day. Like, how cool is that? Like, didn't see that coming, yeah. And will that, will this be forever? No, it'll come to an actual conclusion at some point. Like, hopefully, you know, a long time down the track. But you know, like, everything has its purpose. So I remember the the first time I broke up with Ant. Well, it was mutual, that's how we're gonna put it. I'm 17. I was like, my cousin's wedding. We're both like, he was invited with his dad, and I was obviously invited. I was a bridal buddy, and it was in March, and we broke up the first time, and that was the last time I saw him, when I have a photo with him at the wedding. And then, because I was in Year 12, and he was doing his apprenticeship, whatever, and he was working it actually just that was the last time. And then it fizzled out. I it fizzled out over the phone, and we're just like, yep, mutually, this is this is it. And that was that breakup, but this other breakup I have to tell you about, yeah, the toxic guy, yeah, holy fucking shitballs. It was dramatic. So goddamn dramatic. Anyway, he fought for me. So let's I was about to say, I think I'd be for a run when I say, What the fuck happened? So how old was I was at uni, so I would have been, yeah, 1919, 20 ish, because I had my very first birthday. Now, birthday dance was back, because my best friend at my 21st in my speech, is what she said, Thank God answer back. That was like the first line that actually, wow. It's like she still talks about it to this day, like, thank God, because no one could stand Megan, right? It was not for me. I was not for him. Like, and sometimes I won't talk about that actually, like Abigail will break up. Like, sometimes you just need to accept that. Like you said, nothing's not. Everything is forever. And there are some compatibilities that you just don't, yeah, you just don't connect enough to stay together for that period of time. And he just didn't get that. And we were on a break for ages. Like, you know, it was like that slow burn, you know, when you're mentally out, but you're physically, you know, we work together in that time, but, like, we're on a break. So you say we're on a break, and I didn't do anything wrong in that time. Like, a G, I mean, there's nothing going on. Like we're on nothing going on, like, when you're gonna break you who cares? You can actually do anything you want. You're not. It's taking a pause to see if you are the right person for me, if I want to continue this relationship or not. And I was very clear about that. Anyway, he's a guy that I have mentioned before. Left his wallet at home. He's that guy, right? He's a wallet man. He's a wallet man. And I guess I met uni, and he knows which exit I like, walk out of, like, in the city. And he used to work in the city, so he basically stalked me to find out where I was leaving. And he pulled up his car as I was crossing the road, and he's like, stop, stop, and we're on the break. He's like, I just, I just don't want this to end like it just, it has to end. And he hands me, back in the day, a CD. I just need you to listen to this. I just need you to listen like, a mixtape CD. Well, I would call I was like, oh, no, is it like oh, no, is it like a breakup mixtapes? Which were the Gen Z, Gen X? Yeah. So, yeah, I think there were songs that we liked on there. So he was trying to, like, get me back anyway, to be honest, I fucking forgot about the CD. And I like, put it because I'm so angry that he the one thing I hate is like a man like, you know, beckoning at your feet. Like, I don't like that, please. Like, if I have said I am done, I am done, do not chase me. I don't like that. And I need I'm if I haven't made a decision, then that's another story. Like I've said, we I want to break. You have agreed to go on that break. Give me the space that I have asked for. And I didn't get that because he fucking uni. So I got the CD a whole week goes by I put it in, like, you know, little side part of you had a Toyota Yaris back in the day. When you put it in, I forgot about it, and then I remembered, like, a week or so later. So I put the CD my ball, I forgot about this, and had a letter in, and all this fucking bullshit, whatever. I put the um, the CD in, yeah, and it's like, he's recorded, oh, something like he wants to, you know, would be like me voice knowing you now, because you couldn't voice note me when I was 19 in 2010 and nine, whatever year it was, anyway. So it's just him on the on the CD, and he's saying, you know, whatever he said. The point was, he's like, I want you to meet me at the shrine tonight. But that was,

did he go to the shrine and you didn't

hear it? Oh. I was like, Oops. Oh, shrine. Anyway, so

man above, I reckon, because it was like, where he took me on, like, our first day, well, after, because you go to the first day, well, it was about the view of the city, right? Not that I know, right? The fucking shrine, anyway. So I didn't go. And I don't know, I don't know what happened after, oh, yeah, I saw him in person after he made my fucking life out. I swear to you, what he's doing up at the crown with my work girl friends. At the time, he was with his friends at the crowd. He sought me out of the crowd at, like, around when I was playing roulette, because I like playing roulette. And then he started, like, abusing, verbally abusing me. Like, oh, look at you. Here you are out blah, blah, blah. Like, just saying horrible things. The girls are like, let's go. Like, there was nothing we could do. And I just ignored it and kept, you know, kept on walking out. But it was horrible. And just like, you kind of just leave with dignity, like just leave the relationship. And obviously the funny part was that I missed the whole memoir about going to strike. That was a funny part of the story. But, um, well, How good's that? I know. And then there were songs that preceded that, but it wasn't a breakup playlist, that's for sure. I do remember when they broke my anthem I broke up. Oh my god, there was a song in the car that I just cried to because, yeah, so emotion invoking that up. What are the good things about breakups? Well, this is what I wanted to share. The article, will break up, yeah. So these couple they posted this thing on Tiktok, which I found so beautiful. To be honest, they're like, we've broken up, but we live together and we have a spare room, so I've moved into the other room, but we still care about each other. And there was nothing about the breakup that, you know, there was nothing that he did, nothing that she did, that was wrong. They just acknowledged that they both just weren't the right people for each other. And this is what they wrote that they did after their breakup. They reverse engineered their breakup. They realized that they were not the right ones for each other, and when they leave, until one of them could find their own place. So they're like, Look, don't rush, not gonna do anything stupid. I'm not cheating on you. There's nothing wrong. We just, you know, took responsibility. So this is where they had their first date and remedies together. All the good times they had together, which I thought was sweet, they spent lots of times outdoors with each other, and were really present in those last couple of weeks. They still showed affection and respect for one another, and respect to one another, and they left no questions unanswered, and they shared their future plans. No, I put nothing on that. That was amazing. That is incredible, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Let's see where Bally Conrad and Jeremiah and me exactly, and he probably got the time he says, or invitation for the naked circle is right there in our biome. Come join us in our community where you can ask any questions, and honestly, we are right there with you enjoying life and all forms of sex, dating and relationships, an exclusive community for you to enjoy all the pieces of the puzzle that make us who we are, and we cannot wait for you to be exclusively at our little circle, the naked circle. See you next week. Thanks for listening to sex number one, an original podcast created by KB and B, produced by b and KB, content by KB and B. Enthusiasm for sex B

and mostly KB I.