Sex with Lex
Bianca (00:01.639)
Welcome back to another episode of Sex and the One. How are you, KB?
KV (00:07.542)
I am great. I'm very, very, very excited because we have a special guest.
Bianca (00:12.92)
saying, I'm so excited. And I think the community, you we've talked, you know, on our pods previously, but the community that we have built, are very blessed to have. And we have so many like-minded individuals that we connect with through the socials. And one of those people we connected with was this wonderful human being called Lex. And we have had the pleasure of not only connecting over the socials and, you know, initiating that connection, because, you know, like-minded.
same industry, same everything, but we then also connected in person at one of her events. We'd love to introduce you to Sex with Lex. Lex!
Lex (00:54.29)
Hello. Thank you for having me on the podcast. I'm so excited.
Bianca (00:57.898)
we're excited to have you. Thanks for joining us and yeah.
KV (01:04.954)
Can I start off with like the, probably the question, I don't know if you get asked this the most, but it's certainly the top question for me because people are gonna ask this. So you are a sexologist, is that what you would, is that the official term? Tell us what is a sexologist? Yeah.
Lex (01:17.33)
Correct. Yes.
Bianca (01:21.1)
A sexologist. First question.
Lex (01:22.738)
I try and do it when I explain it, I try and be very simple, I guess, about it. Basically, I, a sexologist is someone that specializes in human sexuality and sexual function, sexual health. It can mean so many different things to different people. And I think it just depends on what path you want to go. Some people will go down the sex therapy path. But I've chosen to go sort of down the sex education path. So.
Yeah, it's a fun little career.
Bianca (01:56.62)
How did you land here? Yeah, like how did you get to this point?
KV (01:56.654)
Yeah, hell of a year.
Lex (02:01.618)
So I have a history of working in social work. So I did a lot of work with vulnerable families and young people. And one of the things that I noticed was that there is a huge gap in sex education for these young people and families and they are at the highest risk of, know, inappropriate sexual touch, sexual behaviors, that sort of thing. And I realized there wasn't really any education or any
accessibility to education for these people. And so I got really interested in that and it sort of just took me down, yeah, the path I doing my masters of sexology and, you know, I just
KV (02:41.956)
Whereabouts does one do their masters of sexology?
Lex (02:45.2)
So it's through Curtin University in WA. It's the only place in Australia that does that specific one. I think the University of New South Wales does a Masters of Sexual Health. I think it's a little bit more specific, but yeah, it's very niche.
Bianca (02:48.973)
Thank
Bianca (03:01.275)
Yes, definitely. And I think what we've discovered, like through our own discussions and just speaking with other, you know, professionals in that area as well, is that the sex education doesn't stop. Like, you know, at school in year four, five, six, you have, you know, your little class and you talk about those things and then you go into real life.
and these real scenarios play out and you're still questioning things and you don't know every part and how it works and all that. And you get put in some vulnerable situations. I know I did when I was younger. And still we're finding that grown adults, there's this massive gap, like not just in the sector, like I'm social work background, so is Chris as well. Yes, there's those vulnerable communities, but then there's also, you know,
KV (03:45.911)
Of course.
Bianca (03:50.464)
What about us? Like, there's heaps of people that there's these gaps in just general education.
Lex (03:56.293)
100%. Yeah. And that's one of the things that I'm really passionate about as well is furthering education for adults because, know, we sort of see a lot of the sexual health and sex education happening in school and it's really not that great. You know, it's getting a lot better now, I will say from, you know, what I know and what I've read. But one of the things as well that is not really included in that discussion is pleasure.
And so as adults, it's a really good place to be able to work where I can include pleasure and it is appropriate. you know, talking about everyone's pleasure and not just when the man ejaculates, that's the end. It's sort of, you know, how can everyone that's involved have pleasure? And yeah, I think it's a really special space to be working when I can educate adults because there's stuff that I'm still learning, you know.
Bianca (04:41.695)
Yeah.
Lex (04:50.13)
I was, I think in my late 20s when I found out that if you get cold sores, you have the herpes virus and then you have that for life. And so I remember thinking, isn't this something that I should have been taught in school? Like, should I not know that? And so I just am really passionate about educating people and there's no shame in not knowing. I think that's a big thing. People do get a bit weird about, yeah.
Bianca (05:03.34)
Yes. Yes.
KV (05:16.14)
You know, when we met last week, we had the conversation and I'm like, we commonly refer to ourselves as sex enthusiasts and we like to sex experts, right? And I was saying to you that when we did, you can explain more about your trivia night, but like when we went to your trivia night and I was saying, I'm imagining I'm not gonna know very much because I tend to like the feeling rather than I don't know what the things are called. And I'm gonna be 53 and I still don't have like a
Bianca (05:39.362)
Yes. Thank you.
KV (05:45.124)
great knowledge of all the bits. You know, like...
Lex (05:48.036)
And you don't necessarily need to have a huge amount of knowledge. think, you know, there are some things like, for example, like STIs and education around that is something that I'm very passionate about, not because I think that they're bad and no one should get them, because there is so much shame and stigma around them that I think, you know, educating people on that is helpful in reducing that shame and stigma. But, you know, you're so right.
Bianca (06:00.811)
Yes. Thanks.
KV (06:15.928)
You go about educating someone about.
Lex (06:19.954)
Do you know what? I do a lot of education through conversations and as you know, the trivia. So we host Cliterally Trivia, which is absolutely fabulous. So good. But I think that's a really good opportunity to educate people. When we were coming up with the questions, there were questions that Laura and I both didn't know the answer to. We were sort of, it's one of those things as experts, quote unquote.
Bianca (06:28.964)
So much fun, so much fun.
Bianca (06:41.227)
.
Lex (06:47.334)
there is still learning. And so I like to use that as an opportunity to teach, but also, know, conversations with people, doesn't have to be superstructured. I think, yeah, good communication and that sort of thing. Yeah, I'm a huge, huge fan of just dropping sex into conversations.
Bianca (07:04.618)
I think you're in the right place.
KV (07:06.639)
We.
Lex (07:08.762)
Yes, correct.
KV (07:11.162)
We can look for any excuse to talk about sex.
Lex (07:14.896)
Yeah, that's me. It gets a bit old, I think. We're at the dinner table and I'm like, so this lube that I tried and people are like, for God's sake, like again.
Bianca (07:24.459)
sisters were here a couple weeks back and I was making them like a coffee or a tea, right? And we're all sitting there. It was my daughter's birthday. I can't remember whose birthday it was. I think it was my husband's birthday. Anyway, we're all sitting at the table and she's like, I've just figured out like how to release this, I know this tension or whatever she was going on about like how to cure this problem. I'm like, it's sex, right? And she's like, no, no, it's not. I'm like, no, is. Like I'm telling you, it is.
Lex (07:46.066)
KV (07:50.83)
is.
Lex (07:50.93)
was just about to say, it's definitely sex, surely.
Bianca (07:53.94)
Well, it's the O, right? It's the O, it's the release of all those beautiful hormones. no, I was sorry. I went on bit off topic, but I thought that that was funny because I'm like, genuinely, like genuinely, that's the answer. I know that that's the answer.
Lex (08:08.6)
It is. I love sex. think, you know, if it doesn't give it away by the fact that I study it, it's a huge hobby of mine, let's just say.
KV (08:08.687)
Yeah.
Bianca (08:20.106)
I love that. One of your main taglines is taking the taboo out of sex. Can you go into that a little bit more? Other than the education side of things, how do you like to do that? And how other than in conversation, like if you were to start a conversation with a random, like how would you bring this topic into their perspective?
KV (08:21.614)
So good.
Lex (08:41.49)
Do you know what? It's actually really, really easy when I talk to people that I don't know, because a lot of people will say, what do you do? And I say, I'm a sexologist and people are then like, what is a sexologist? And then I sort of go in and start talking very freely, very openly about things. I don't go, you know, too hard too quickly. I sort of suss the room, but.
Bianca (08:48.285)
Yeah
Bianca (08:51.868)
opening.
Lex (09:05.45)
I find that, you know, having conversations around sex that when I am talking, then people feel comfortable to ask questions. And a lot of the time people will, get people say all the time, I'm into this really weird thing. Like, is this normal? And a lot of the time it is so normal. Like there's so many kinks, for example, out there that people haven't even heard of, you know, that I think as long as people are being relatively safe, you know, there is no.
without risk.
KV (09:36.346)
What is the weirdest kink you've heard of?
Bianca (09:37.306)
Amen.
Lex (09:40.049)
I don't think any of them are weird. think that, you know, there's, I think the, there are ones that that was, I feel like that was a trick question. I'm like, hang on. No, I think that like, there are some that I hadn't, there's stuff that I wouldn't engage in for myself. So there's this, I don't actually even know what it's called now that I think about it, but these people, like they vacuum themselves in like latex and like, it's so they can't move.
KV (09:45.828)
That's a cheat. You must hit it.
KV (09:52.026)
There's gotta be something that he thinks weird, mean, surely.
Bianca (10:07.945)
Thank you.
Lex (10:09.604)
And that for me just sounds terrifying. That sounds scary. Like I need to be able to move. that's, yeah, that's one that I sort of was a bit taken back by. But you know, there's one, and I think we touched on this at trivia as well, water sports. So, piss play.
Bianca (10:17.32)
Yeah, I think fair enough.
Bianca (10:27.849)
I missed that answer. did not. I was like, what do you mean by water spot? KV had to fill me in but.
Lex (10:33.29)
Yeah, yeah, so piss play, essentially. And that was, you know, that's one of the most popular in Australia. And people don't talk about it. But you'd be surprised by how many people are really interested in that. You know, I spend a lot of time in the kink community in Melbourne. And so I've gone to a lot of events, I've seen a lot of different things. I think I'm probably at a point now where there's not a lot that shocks me. So, yeah, it's it's hard to sort of answer what
KV (10:40.622)
Yes.
Lex (11:01.596)
what is the weirdest kink that I've heard because I've seen so many and you get to a point where you, yeah, like in the masters, we have to do a unit which is sexual attitude real alignment. I think that's what it's called, the SAR. And we get exposed to a lot of different things. And the idea is like sexual explicit material. And the idea is that we will be able to
Bianca (11:17.692)
Right?
Lex (11:30.778)
respond in a non-judgmental way. And so with exposure to that sort of material, is, you know, you get to a point where it doesn't shock you anymore. yeah. Yeah.
Bianca (11:32.677)
Yeah.
Bianca (11:40.977)
Yeah, you're like desensitized in a way, but that unconscious bias does come out sometimes, I guess. But you just learn to keep it at bay.
Lex (11:48.101)
Yeah, and I think one of the things, yeah, yeah, and we are taught, like, there's this one lecturer who always says, you know, we all have judgments, we all judge people, and we can't say this is a place free of judgment, but it is, we are accepting, you know, of that. So, yeah, it is, yeah, you do your best to sort of, to be open. I mean, there are some things that some people just can't handle, you know.
Bianca (12:04.476)
Yeah.
KV (12:07.578)
And you do your best. Yeah.
Lex (12:18.134)
there is, there's sometimes we have to have discussions around, you know, sex offending and that sort of thing. And I find it really difficult to be judgment free in those situations. But, you know, it's one of those things that we just sort of, we try and keep an open mind.
Bianca (12:23.801)
Yeah.
Bianca (12:30.79)
Yeah. So.
KV (12:35.598)
Yeah, you know, it's interesting, you know, when we had the trivia night and I was getting away my book and I said, name a weird sex act that you've done. And if it's in the book, you can have the book. And like the first thing as you would know what came out was squirting. And I'm with you, I've heard everything, I've, you know, probably done it. And squirting's like, isn't that normal to me? Like so.
Lex (12:58.325)
Yeah, that's what I thought as well, yeah.
KV (13:01.306)
It's like, that's, isn't that... Sorry?
Bianca (13:03.016)
Yet I'm still here, yet to master that skill. Yet I'm still here, yet to master that skill.
KV (13:11.212)
you will one day. Well if you want to, you don't have to if you don't want to, but like for me that was just like a I felt that was a G-Rater thing.
Lex (13:20.082)
I that's I'm the same because I remember you said, something, you know, weird or like unusual. And then someone says squirting. I was like, yeah, like, it's actually a reminder to me because everything is so like normal for me and hearing that I mean, that maybe is weird and unusual for some people. But yeah, I was very much the same as I was squirting.
Bianca (13:26.928)
Thank you.
Bianca (13:37.307)
Yes.
KV (13:38.839)
Yeah, and that was what was really nice about the spaces that you create for people because someone like me, I felt perfectly at home, I felt welcome, I felt accepted. Not that I don't feel accepted where else I go, but it was just beautiful to share that space with people who just naturally get you without even having to have a chat, you know?
Bianca (13:44.828)
Yes.
Bianca (13:50.449)
Yeah.
Bianca (13:57.957)
Yeah, it was extremely comforting, like walking into that space, sort of not knowing what you're walking into, but everyone having, you know, everyone up for a good laugh, a bit of fun, and then connecting on, you know, level. Like, I think you just did it, taking the taboo out of sex. That was it in that moment.
Lex (13:58.184)
Yeah.
Lex (14:15.61)
Yeah, it's, it is really good. I think, you know, Laura and I try really hard in those spaces to make it less confrontational with sex. So obviously we do talk about sex a lot, but we try to make it comfortable. We try to make it fun. We try and get people involved if they're willing to and, you know, able to. But we just, yeah, I think it's really lovely. Every, ones that we've done, I just think.
KV (14:15.726)
Yes.
Bianca (14:29.775)
in the next.
Lex (14:42.156)
everyone's so lovely. Everyone's so into it. I'm so glad that people are having a good time. So hearing that is really nice because sometimes I worry that it's some people find it a bit full on or something.
Bianca (14:47.8)
Yeah. Well, I think like to be going to that event, like you've sort of got to be of understanding of what you're sort of walking into. And I think your Instagram page, that gives a great insight. But once you're there, like even if people aren't engaging, it's so I learned so much. And one of the facts I learned, I wrote it down, was what percentage of vulva owners
have never had an orgasm and I was mind blown by the answer. Do you want to talk to that Lex?
Lex (15:22.42)
Well, yeah, so if you think about, well, I'm not even going to talk about penis owners because, you know, a lot of the time they do reach orgasm. But yeah, it is interesting. I with so the answer, will say the answer was five to 10 percent of vulva owners, which
Bianca (15:23.931)
Yeah.
Bianca (15:37.732)
Yeah. Yeah.
Lex (15:43.575)
is it doesn't sound like a lot, but that's never having reached orgasm. That's partners solo with a toy without a toy have never reached orgasm. And that is only the reported ones. So, you know, there would be ones out people out there that haven't reported that that's that's an estimate. And I imagine that it would probably be a lot more. And that that sort of brings me back to the focus around pleasure in education, but there hasn't necessarily been that that education on how to pleasure a Volvo owner.
Bianca (15:53.817)
Do you it?
Bianca (16:06.426)
Yes.
Lex (16:13.042)
for example, you know, the clitoris hasn't really been studied as like anywhere near as much as it should have been. And I think, you know, there are so many ways to, for a woman or a vulva owner to reach orgasm and everyone is so different. And it makes me really sad that if people are wanting to reach orgasm that they can't, you know, it's, I think as well like,
Bianca (16:20.037)
Hmm.
Bianca (16:35.545)
Yeah
Lex (16:41.976)
on the other side of that as well is that maybe sometimes we do need to take that off the table and say, you know, this isn't the goal and let's focus on pleasure and what actually feels good to help you get there rather than we want to orgasm now and without knowing what is good, what feels nice, what, you know, do you like it this way? Do you like a toy? Do you like hands? Do you like oral? Like, what do you like? And that's a huge...
Bianca (16:48.779)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Bianca (17:05.871)
Yeah.
KV (17:07.034)
Somebody would never know the answer to that, would they? I've got a thing with the names. So they call foreplay the thing that happens before the sex, but the foreplay is often what makes women be able to come. And so why is that foreplay? So that you might skip foreplay and have the play, but it's main play. That's my main play. That's the main play.
Lex (17:09.87)
No, exactly. There's so many people that don't know. Yeah.
Bianca (17:13.637)
and
Bianca (17:21.049)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Lex (17:30.887)
Well, yeah, that's whole thing, right? well, it is, because we're all taught, well, not so much anymore, but we've always, you know, historically been taught that sex is for reproductive purposes. Let's be really honest, like when a lot of the sex education was happening, it was focused around sex is for reproductive purposes. And so, and not getting pregnant, right? And so that whole thing is centered around the man ejaculating inside the woman.
KV (17:33.722)
You know what, I'm out of the play.
Bianca (17:48.288)
Okay.
KV (17:50.264)
and not getting pregnant.
Lex (17:58.937)
and that is the end of sex because you have done what you needed to do, what you came here to do. And so now that, you know, majority of people I talk to are having sex not to reproduce, it's kind of interesting how then the conversation shifts and, you know, we talk about, well, what is the point of it? Is it for everyone to orgasm or is it the does everyone just want to feel pleasure? And I always say like,
Bianca (18:02.342)
Yeah, see.
Bianca (18:16.971)
Yeah.
Lex (18:27.154)
Pleasure is the first thing you want to do before you even think or talk about an orgasm. Pleasure, what feels good. Take an orgasm off the table completely. Just let's say we're not doing that. We're not, no one's coming. That's it. We're done. Like we're just, yeah, no one's coming. No one's allowed to come. And so then that really focuses on, you know, what feels good. What actually feels good for you as an individual that hasn't been taught to me by our sexual scripts that we have got from sex education, from society and that sort of thing.
Bianca (18:35.035)
Yes.
Yep.
Lex (18:57.242)
And I've started doing that with myself and it's absolutely like changes your life, honestly.
Bianca (19:03.607)
Yeah, it would. The other part that you mentioned earlier about the pleasure and then you mentioned it once or twice, the consent. Like you also mentioned a lot through your socials about arousal not being consent. Can you speak to that as well?
Lex (19:22.818)
I will die on this hill. Arousal, any bodily response is not consent. there's a physiological response and there's a psychological response. If a man, so it's called non-concordance, called sexual non-concordance. So if a man has an erection, that doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to engage in sex. If a woman is self-lubricating, same thing.
And, you know, we've seen in the past, not so much anymore, but, you know, that being used as consent, implied consent. But it's not, it's really not. And I always say to people, non-concordance is such a common thing, particularly in vulva owners. And I think it goes the other way as well. Like you might be really interested in, I really want to fuck right now. Like I really, I don't know if I'm allowed to swear, sorry.
Bianca (20:18.437)
Yeah, you're last one.
Lex (20:20.238)
Sorry, I was just like, but if you really want to, like if you really want to go, you know, have sex and you're like, yeah, let's go. Like I'm feeling like I'm horny, but then you're not self lubricating. You can't, you know, get an erection. That's also non-concordance. So we can't always rely on our bodies to mirror what we're thinking or what we're wanting. And so in that way, you know, we need to be really careful with assuming that
arousal is consent because it is absolutely not. think consent needs to be explicit. It needs to be freely given. needs to be, it can change at any time, enthusiastic, know, communicate about it. And just because you start something doesn't mean you have to finish. So I'm very much an advocate for consent can be withdrawn at any time, which everyone should agree with and know, but unfortunately, there are still some people
Bianca (20:56.309)
Okay.
KV (20:59.791)
Yes
Bianca (21:07.326)
Yeah.
Bianca (21:12.067)
100%.
Lex (21:17.998)
out there I'm sure that are not on the same page.
Bianca (21:20.62)
Mm.
Yeah, no, I'm hearing you. But I think what I loved from what I saw through what you were promoting was that there are various ways to communicate whether consent is given or not. Like one of them was, and I think that's what's farfed my little like, I'm to ask that question, was I think you mentioned like, what do you like? Where would you like me to touch? So like you're asking that person and then that person is reciprocating with the, you know, the actual movement or the action.
Lex (21:42.354)
Bye.
Lex (21:52.027)
Yeah, I think some people think that consent has to be this. Can I have sex with you? Yes. Done. Let's have sex. It's you can do it in a room. really?
Bianca (21:57.227)
Yes, no, maybe. Yeah. Really?
KV (22:01.43)
I heard that happen three months. Yes, I was kissing him and we were lying down and like we were lying down on a bed and I was kissing him and he stopped kissing me and he goes, do you consent? And I thought, I don't fucking now you idiot.
Lex (22:16.252)
See, that's the problem is that consent then becomes this tick box where it needs to be a conversation and you know.
Bianca (22:20.097)
Yes.
KV (22:23.534)
The inference in that moment was that he thinks that women are lying. Like I took it to him thinking women are lying when they say that they didn't agree with it. So he's like making sure he ticks it off. know, like it seemed kind of like I didn't, yeah, it made me not want to consent. No.
Bianca (22:36.608)
Name it.
Bianca (22:42.466)
Well that didn't flow.
Lex (22:42.95)
mean, no, good on him for trying, I think, know, at least we're trying at this point. But you know, there's so many things you can say, be like, do you like being touched here? Is it okay if I touch your arm? Is it okay if I kiss you? What would you like me to do? How does that feel? Would you like me to keep going? You know, there's so many ways of doing it that can be really sexy, but also like giving you that power to say,
Bianca (22:47.244)
Yeah, yes.
KV (22:47.834)
in
Bianca (22:58.626)
you
Lex (23:09.412)
yeah I like that or no I don't without having to be like no like it could sort of be like no I prefer when you do this or did you want to try this instead rather than do you consent yes no like
Bianca (23:16.836)
Yeah.
Bianca (23:22.07)
Yeah, but then that also opens up to like, yeah, but I think the way that you've shared that and articulated it, like when I was thinking about it, I'm like, wow, like that really opens up for the pleasure to actually occur as well. Like they're intertwined.
Lex (23:38.308)
It absolutely and it is you know that communicating and learning about each other's pleasure during sex and not so much. We're not robots so you know getting consent should not be in my mind it shouldn't be do you want to have sex? Yes and then that's the end of the story. I think it's an ongoing conversation during sex you know it's it's and it's it's sexy I think it's sexy I love it like you're interested in my pleasure and what I like.
Bianca (23:50.783)
Do you want to?
Yeah.
Lex (24:06.702)
Yes, please. Like, I dig that.
Bianca (24:06.761)
Yes. Yeah.
KV (24:08.57)
Do you find that you work with a lot of people or encounter a lot of people whose partner isn't interested in their pleasure? Because I've certainly had a lot of people I've interacted with that have said to me things of the nature. my partner used to try and help me to come, but now I just get the toy out because he not can't be bothered, but something in that vein. Yeah.
Lex (24:33.042)
I don't think it's so much that they don't care about their partner's pleasure. I think that, you know, people do become complacent and, you know, particularly in long-term relationships, you need to work at keeping the sex alive. It's not something that's automatic for a lot of people. A lot of people have to, you know, actively make that choice that they're going to work on that and work on it together. And I think...
It depends on what you get out of sex and what I think you're looking for, because some people purely do just want to have sex just to have a baby. And that's fine. There's no issue with that, I think. But, you know, again, it comes back to what we are taught and, you know, having those conversations with your partner is so important because I could say, I really like it when you touch my clit and finger me and that
a guy could hear that and go, oh, okay, that's what I need to do. But that's what you do, you could do for me. But you know, every single person is different. think that understanding, you know, having conversations, it's not ever one size fits all. And I think, yeah, I wouldn't say that people don't try or don't care about their partner's pleasure. I just don't think it becomes a priority. And that's why I always say communicate, have conversations about it. You know, you don't know what you don't know.
Bianca (25:55.071)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I answered that question. There was a question at the trivia night, something about, I don't know, the answer was communicate, it wasn't communication, but I thought it was communication. I think it was the one about why different couples in, yes.
Lex (26:13.315)
why do people, yeah, why do people seek sex therapy? Yeah.
Bianca (26:17.249)
Yes, and I was like, because they're not communicating, because my, like being in a long term relationship, I'm married, I've been married for 12 years, that would be my answer, because when you talk to other couples, they're like, oh, you know, this isn't going right in this space. So I'm like, you just need to talk, you just need to be able to have that effective communication to then, you know, move through the problem. But that was not the answer. And I was really taken aback by that.
Lex (26:39.664)
Hmm. No. Yeah, I mean, look, I think I think communication is a big part of it. But yeah, mismatched libido is is the main reason, which, you know, is yeah, I think a lot of people have at some point in some form. So yeah, it's interesting. It's very interesting.
KV (26:55.906)
I've experienced that.
Bianca (27:00.532)
Yes.
Bianca (27:04.254)
Yeah, it is very.
KV (27:05.618)
Can I just ask, I know you briefly mentioned it earlier, but you said your interest is a lot about educating about STIs and stuff. What's your advice for people? How often do they get tested? What should they get tested for? Just give us like a brief, you know, rundown of what you think is the go.
Bianca (27:13.588)
Yes.
Lex (27:23.356)
So I recommend getting tested every three to six months. And that is a huge sort of window. that is because, I mean, if this is if you're sexually active, that is then based on, need to think how many sexual partners am I having? Am I using protection? What kinds of sex am I having? And weighing up the risks. think that in most STI panels, they'll do chlamydia, gonorrhea.
syphilis and HIV. I think that's it that they mainly do. Am I missing one? Maybe. Yeah, I think that's what it is. But also then, you know, there's stuff like HPV, which a lot of people don't even know that they have. HSV, so herpes, which a lot of people carry, but don't know that they have. But
KV (28:02.308)
That's what I've had.
Lex (28:17.968)
And then we've got MGen as well, which is a new, I don't know if you've heard of MGen. It's like it's the new, it's the up and coming STI.
Bianca (28:21.464)
Up and coming.
KV (28:24.876)
I thought I was good knowing that BV was down one, but no.
Bianca (28:28.223)
Thanks. Thanks.
Lex (28:30.002)
No, so Mgen is mycoplasma genitalium. So it's very similar to chlamydia, but they don't screen for it on a standard STI panel. And I recently found out that that is because that, so Mgen is now becoming resistant to antibiotics. So it's really hard to treat. So you might end up on like three rounds of antibiotics to treat it. It's just...
And this is not a scare thing. I'm not saying this to scare people. I've just, you know, don't be alarmed if you're not tested for it because a lot of the time people won't have symptoms and then it sort of comes up to, do we need a test if you're not symptomatic? Like once you start getting symptoms, they will test. But yeah, it's very interesting.
Bianca (28:59.955)
Interesting. Nice.
KV (29:19.555)
Yeah, it is. That is interesting because my experience has been that... Hello!
KV (00:01.775)
I I was talking about that I went to the doctors to get an STI test in March this year and I was absolutely shocked that I walked in and asked for an STI test and it took me 50 minute appointment to get her to agree to test me. She was like...
Bianca (00:01.965)
So.
Bianca (00:06.423)
Yes, yeah.
Lex (00:20.74)
Yeah.
KV (00:21.575)
But has your partner cheated on you? I said, I don't have a partner. And then she said, well, then why do you need one? And I go, because I haven't had one for six months and I like to get tested every six months. Have you got any symptoms? No. Well, then why do you need one? I'm like.
Bianca (00:31.093)
Yeah.
Lex (00:36.162)
It's really, you know, it's, it's really concerning that, you know, you have to go in there and advocate for yourself. And a lot of people can't do that. It's, it is really, for some people getting tested is a big deal. And I remember the first time I got tested, it was a huge, I was so scared. Like, I don't want to ask that. That's, you know, I thought that was so embarrassing. And, you know, I find it really disappointing when the healthcare professionals, you know, don't.
Bianca (00:54.777)
No.
Lex (01:05.69)
don't look after sexual health in the same way that they maybe would something else. And I think there is still some shame and stigma. And this is not every healthcare professional. I think this is just, you know, generally in society because of that, I think people still do get a little bit, like, I don't know.
Bianca (01:23.468)
Yeah.
KV (01:24.381)
She had to ring up her supervisor to find out what to test me for as well. And then she was telling me, you can't do this, you can't do that. And I'm telling her what I could do.
Lex (01:27.738)
Bianca (01:32.973)
Well, I had the opposite experience where he'd had like a genital infection, I would say, had nothing to do with me because I'm like, you know, and they accused him like they said, oh, look, I think you might need to talk to your wife and see if she's like straight and also asked him the same thing. And like, we're happily married. didn't have time for that. And if we did, think I might not. I have some inkling. I was offended. I was like, why would I come back?
Lex (01:33.388)
Wow.
KV (01:38.173)
Yeah.
Bianca (02:01.41)
When you are making these assumptions, like I get it, it can happen. I understand that. And they don't know our relationship. But I was like, you are not enticing me to want to come and do this. Like you are, it's confronting as it is to have to rock up and say, hey, I've got this issue here and making you feel that way. And I was like to my like, yeah, was, he was like, I, I'm telling you, this is not the case, but it was, yeah, it was really awkward.
Lex (02:13.154)
Yeah.
Lex (02:19.788)
It actually, yeah, it has nothing to do with like that. I think, you know, this is the thing, they don't need to know what's going on. It's, it's, you know, if it's a medical situation, you go in and you get medical treatment. And, you know, would they be asking those sort of questions if it wasn't a sexual one? I don't know. So, you know, I hate that people have to advocate for themselves. So like, I, my GP now knows I go in there and she's like,
Bianca (02:30.669)
You're right.
Bianca (02:38.653)
Exactly. Exactly.
Lex (02:49.634)
another STI check, I'm like, yes, please. Thank you. I'll take the lot. But you know, it comes with time and experience and, you know, ease of talking about sex. you know, I do say to people, if you ever feel like they're saying no, you can leave and just go and see someone else. You know, you shouldn't have to advocate for yourself. think that they're entitled to seek medical care.
Bianca (02:53.578)
Yeah.
Bianca (03:14.348)
Lex, where can people find you? Where can people locate you? What's your handle on Instagram? Go and give Lex a like and follow and follow the content because it's so awesome. You learn new things every day and come and join us at the next Clitorili trivia as well, whenever that may be.
Lex (03:36.732)
yes, yes we are booking in our next one. So I've got I think one more before the end of the year. So we will be announcing that on our page. So my Instagram is sexwithlexmelp. That's also my TikTok but TikTok aren't loving me. They keep banning my videos. So I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Yeah, do you know what? I try so hard to like make it so that it's friendly but
Bianca (03:48.736)
general
Bianca (03:54.381)
give it a context.
KV (03:56.517)
Night. Night.
Lex (04:05.08)
I'm doing something wrong, clearly.
KV (04:07.613)
Take a picture of my butt, because I've got splish. Yeah.
Bianca (04:10.389)
Cause you're naked.
Lex (04:12.62)
See, that's what it is. That just, it's very upset. You know the stuff that I see on TikTok as well and then I'm like, come on. Like, like it's not even bad. It's me dancing in the camera with like my glasses on and you know, something like check the expiry date of your condoms, which I think is a reasonable thing. And it's like, no, you're banned, sorry.
Bianca (04:20.139)
It doesn't make sense.
Bianca (04:31.305)
Yes!
Bianca (04:36.216)
I love your content. I can't wait for people to start following you because I love how direct you are. You're to the point. You get the message across and it's really relatable. So keep doing what you are doing and continue educating me and everyone else because I need it. And yeah, we all need that. We all need Alex in our lives. So thank you so much for your time.
Lex (04:54.01)
thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This has been fabulous.
KV (04:56.455)
Thank you.
KV (05:01.234)
Yeah.
Bianca (05:01.526)
Can't wait to see you at next Clitorale Tria.
Lex (05:04.653)
Absolutely.