Sexual initiation/attraction

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stronger today, we want to talk about who initiates sex. So I asked this question. I literally just said, who initiates sex? I didn't give any context. I didn't give any further information, yeah, and it was an interesting outcome to be

honest with you, yeah. Do you want to tell you why you could say yours? I

would say 95% of my life, with 95% of the people I've been with, I initiate sex. Why I initiate sex? Well, to Megan situation in my marriage, it was because I wasn't getting any and wanted some. In I had another significant relationship, I initiated the sex because I wanted sex, and then I got sex. And when I'm having a date or having a, you know, having an experience with a man, I reckon, like in, you know, like this, is like, I don't deliberately do this, but I reckon that there is an element of me just I have to decide I like them. I have to, like, have a connection. I have to have something in common. They have to be, like, a certain level of intelligence, a certain level of, definitely, of emotional intelligence. And so I'm deciding during the date whether or not I want to based on their personality. And so I think the intelligent guys that I do want to have sex with know that, and they don't initiate because they're like, they're not sure possibly whether or not I'm going to.

Are you saying, like, there's this,

yes, just different. We just can't read each other like women. Women, yes, we've spoken about a sex, sex relationship, yes, they're on. They're on. You know what to do. Yes. Know the bits they know, yeah, whereas like a man, yeah, yes, they are different planets, and they just don't get it. I

think the men that I would want to have sex with are so respectful that they don't want to make moves unless I'm unless I'm keen, and I don't dirty talk much, and I don't sort of indicate via normal means. So I wouldn't like, you know, give them a look or start talking about sexual stuff, like, I could be, like, talking about, like, you know, the physics of, you know, motion, and that turns me on, because, like, the fact that they can discuss the physics of motion turns me on, and so therefore I'm going intelligence, totally want to this guy and normal, that's a unique scenario that's not sexual, because I was discussing this with a guy friend the other day. With a guy from the other day and and he was saying to me, he often, he reckons he gives the that makes the first move most of the time, but he needs to have a clear sign from a woman so he feels and He's respectful, so he feels, you know she you know, you know the leg touching or the arms touching and like, you know, like that. Some of the signs he's looking for the signs he won't touch her unless he's got signs I can

understand. Yeah. And do

you know what I said to him? Do you want to have a bath?

That was your sign, wasn't it? This is what

discussed, right? Was it a sign? It was a move. I made the move so I didn't make a sign. I made the move because I didn't do, I don't do signs. I don't think I can. I actually think I'm a bit of a not capable of doing science person. You have to speak to the people. But I don't think I'm very good at science. I think I just like, I'm direct, I'm not subtle, and things that turn me on are not showing that I'm turned on. And it's not necessarily about that. If that makes any sense, like everyone's

different, yeah? And if you don't really know the person, you might need to spell it out. Yeah, I do think that men specifically are put in a very different category to women, which is why my theory is that women are the ones that tend to make the moves or initiate the sex, because men have to look for so much more consent, like there's so many stigmas around a man performing a sexual act or being intimate with a woman from, you know, horror stories that people now know that they have to consider, I'm a respectful man. Yes, is what I need to look for. And they've got their own fucking checklist, yeah, so you've got yours, and then they're doing theirs going like, do, can I actually make this movie without her calling the sexual harassment like, well,

and it's not that yes, but not even to get to that point, men, their biggest fear is looking stupid and being rejected. Women's biggest fear is death. Our biggest fears they kill us. Men's biggest fear is them looking stupid. So no man wants to, like, go in for the move and get told, No, just want to be friends. Fuck you. What are you doing? That is scarier to them than death, because they don't really worried about dying, whereas we like, well, I'm 100% assessing whether this guy's gonna, yeah, how am I gonna? Am I safe enough to go home in this man, correct? Do I

feel safe? Wow, yeah, that got deep real quick. But if I can put in a little spice here on my little piece, I think yes, in the marriage, my marriage,

it fully depends on the time of my cycle,

yes, yes. What? When I'm populating, it is being

populating this week, very, you know, four and four, right? We're good. But then next week, like the freak and short attention that I will be experiencing, I'll be experiencing large moves, the tenderness, the bloating I feel that, yep, exhausted, Don't fucking touch me. Yeah, and it's so clear, like my body language reciprocates that. In a way, I do

feel bad, because I just think that. I think we control

the rest in that regard, and

they just would be so respectful of your missions. Yeah, what you are going through is that they tend to not as much because people read the group, yeah, yeah. And that it's being less than four, for example. Of this particular one, I just come home early, I'm just going through it all, and I hate that. Do you need for that? That's just so internally, I'm like, I if I do think that, it really depends on that, but when it's a rejection thing, yes, I find that really hard to say sometimes, like, I forgive not listen,

I know what it feels like, because I got rejected repeatedly in my marriage, and it is soul crushing. It is soul crushing to

be rejected the language I'm using is

probably not correct, but, yeah, I don't, it's not an ongoing thing, but I want to be respectful as well, like I understand we both have needs, and I want to make sure your needs are there, and I want to make sure my needs are there. But right now, I can't do that. Yeah, I can't, you know, so when it's on, it's gone

as I kind of dating here, I

guess I don't, I don't have that experience, but I can't even imagine my boobs getting bigger on any level. No, I don't know. I don't get any of that. And I don't, I don't, I don't not feel like sex. I

i So, like, I might have had sex with that person. Talk about, you know, astronomy correctly, but it's not funny anyway. Like, I, you know, but I don't not feel like sex, yeah. Like, if someone's in front of me that I find attractive, I will feel like sex. I just don't have that feeling, but I don't have that feeling that I

don't feel like it. I think in a relationship, you might feel safe to say, really not feeling well. In a relationship, you

might feel like, not feel like it, yeah? Because if I don't feel like that, I probably wouldn't go on a date. I would say

situation like, it comes back to, like, what we were talking about in the previous episode, about that spark, yeah, that whole honeymoon, you know, thrill, the chase, that sort of thing. Like, What could this bring? What could tonight look like? Yes, I know. Whereas I think if you've been in a long term relationship, it's easier to say, I'm not feeling it, yes, the people, oh yes, that yes,

easier to

not feel like it, yeah. Like, yeah. I can't imagine not feeling like it. You see,

you said, like, you have it on tap, but I probably have it more than

you. Yes. That's not true in this sense, I think it is more

than you, yeah, you've been having sex more than me. That's what I'm saying. Oh no, I was saying it the other way. Oh yeah, you've got it on top. Yeah. Then in that moment, what we spoke about is, in a previous episode, I was like, you're getting all me right? Now, like,

well, yes, there are times, but at the moment, absolutely that's not true. Um, okay, so who did she let's look at some answers. Someone said nine times out of the 10 the guy back to back when we used to do it, it was probably both of us more him when we were trying for the kids, definitely me. Yeah, definitely me. When we were we were trying because I was tracking my cycle. What people said, whoever's horny, people said used to be both when I was younger, the guy always initiated it. When I was shy and had low self esteem. But since that happened, my confidence has increased, and now I initiated it. Someone wrote, well, it used to always be me. Now I guess it's still me because I'm all alone, haha.

I think, I think it depends on timing as well.

Yes, yes. Like, you

know, letting you do that at home at eight o'clock at home at eight o'clock at night and you put the kids out, like, even kales or why? Sometimes the wedding is really

hard, yes, yes, that's when you can have a

really good sex as well. Yeah, yeah.

Like, what? 10 minutes shut the door. Well, do you know what the thing is? Like, I'm just reading through a lot of these, a lot of people, it's been both. Like a lot of people have said both. And I agree with you that I would have thought a lot of a lot of it was a woman like I agreed that that was the case. Was certainly the case with Megan. Case with you. And when I was interviewed for my book, a lot of women said they felt like sex way more often than their husbands did, and that they would husbands often might fall and sleep on the couch, couldn't be bothered so like that was their experience. At the time, which is really, really interesting. But in this current survey, there was, it's kind of a bit of mix of both. But someone has written that, which I thought was really good. Surely everybody would love for the other person to initiate sex along with every other move along the way, which obviously means a bit of give and take. It's it's only ever one person, then it would just become stale, and I almost think I was interrupting them. I would say in the dating world, I would initiate mostly, but there are dates when the signs have been a lot more obvious than others. It's hard to initiate some form of intimacy, even just a kiss or a leg grab, when you're getting mixed signals. And I actually think that happens in dating. It happens in marriage, it happens in everything, because like, if, like, again, back to like, things like, you know, when ant cleans the bench, that's a signal that you can either like, take or not take or not exactly. And so, yeah, everyone doesn't know. Big Bear loves a clean bitch. So she can, so she can hop up on it, do fun things. You don't do this as a bitch. Really, any of us do love you mentally. Anyway that that then moves on to what is the most unexpected thing that can turn people on? We asked that question. Do you remember when we asked that question? Exactly? You told me

something. We don't know where

we're going with this. I don't always want sex. But once you start, yeah, wrinkle, yeah, yeah, it's like a packet of popcorn. Once you start, you can't stop. Yeah, that's so

true. Yes, it's all over.

I mean, well, this is like I always say to people like mopping the floor. Who wants to mop the floor, but the but the floor being mopped is fantastic, and orgasms are fantastic. You don't always necessarily feel like them, but you can make yourself feel like it and fuck you a lot of monsters. Yeah. Yeah. Massive fan. So some things that unexpected, things you ready, unexpected adult people dress like babies,

big toe sucking.

One of one of my friends said, a woman when you've always identified as central sexual that was unexpected.

A good looking tradie. Why do I look at trade? Yeah,

and someone said, even said electrician. I thought, Oh, yes, exactly. Princess layer in a gold bikini, everyone in Star Wars, land loss, Princess layer in a gold peaney, uh, porn, anal sex, if done, right? Someone said, Yeah, touching, touching. Somebody said, When I wake up and you are sucking my dick, you said that, yes,

not me discuss everything

at the sweet bar. It's not all about smoothies. Um, someone wrote a guy that actually plans a date. I will, I will, I will agree with that. OMG, a guy that actually says to do these ones, to take you somewhere and do something, and he's decided what you're doing. Oh, my God, but some guy took you

away for a

weekend. Yeah,

yeah, anyway,

that did happen at

the time you liked,

no, I did.

I don't know the day someone said

the seam in my jeans, I understand

it's like a seat belt.

I'm in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen during the dishes and lint up against the cupboard and the door handle turned her on

side, boob,

fresh linen and towels. You know what someone said to me? Someone said, yours is white bread? Yours? Yeah, they reckon mine's white bread, because I'm always talking about white bread. White bread, I do, but it doesn't turn me on. But someone said a guy smelling really good.

So ants, you have a chance and

get those. Get those. Next time I see it, I'm gonna go

and you want someone else said, and I completely agree with you. Also. I just agree with this straight white teeth. It doesn't

turn on, is makes me very glitterous and large, yeah,

strong, clean hands, heroes seeing a bloke with childbirth, non misogynistic men, huge, big hands. So people are into hands. I actually, I agree with that of his hands being appreciated. Some people froth a pregnant woman, evidently, a sexy accent, yes, an accent is lovely, yeah, probably gonna circulate the love

T shirts that are, like, really

goofy accessory, like, accessory, like a little necklace or something like that whole little

bit of like bracelets. So you're actually like every muscle,

just the all the bits, yeah, beads. Thing for hands? I would say for everything, for hands. And I, like every single date, one of the first things I do is whether he's got better so, like I have this thing, the answer is certain time Yes. So when

you move, certain time. It's

the fine motor skill. I

was about to say, this is the same thing. And the theory is that musicians are like that because they Yeah. It's Yes, it's a skill that can be extrapolated to many pleasurable areas.

You know, let's go down at least

everything would be awesome with their hands. Quite a lot of people have said, tradies, there's something about Yeah, yeah, trains and heroes. I think I said heroes before. Well, heroes, but more like firefighters, Ammos, people in uniform, people like people in uniform. Yeah, so it's very interesting. And when I said, What unexpectedly turns you on, I really liked that. Not too many of the answers were things that I find disgusting. Like, a lot of them were like, Oh yeah, that is unexpected, and I agree with you, like, whereas normally that kind of list would invoke some really dark Yeah, there are things

out there that dark side Sex, yes, well,

we probably do with it,

but they're it, but they get turned on by some I didn't want to, I didn't want to know what, yeah,

so what do you what's, what would be your number one, unexpected? Yeah, it's just like we're on or a touch, or

to be too much, yeah. Be too much,

yeah, yes, yeah, yeah. Font, think of a bolt in that.

And you know what to get Beaver, a bolt,

or a video of you manipulating a bolt and enough That's right. See you next week. Everyone,

thanks for listening to sex and the one, an original podcast created by KB and B, produced by b and KB, content by KB and B. Enthusiasm for sex B and mostly KB, you.