Vision Boards, Goals & Why We’re Not Restricting Our Joy in 2026 | Sex and The One

Bee, Hi, I'm KB, and I'm Bea, and we are so grateful to have you listening to our podcast. Please don't forget to hit the subscribe or the following episode. It really means the world to us. Thanks for listening. Welcome to Sex and the one the podcast with B and KV getting down and dirty about all things, love, life, sex, dating and relationships. Happy holidays. We're still in the holiday season. Think of it. We are. How's your Christmas? So good. Always Celebrate. Celebrate. I am really looking forward to 2026 What are you looking forward to? About 2026 I think I always try and, you know, study like when you stop for a moment, because, you know, I need allocated days to do too. Yeah. I think if you know me, for example, these chairs, we had a podcasting date, and that date was, let's say the Saturday is the seventh of September. Let's just say, anyway, I didn't go by the chairs till Friday the sixth of September because I needed them the next day. So, yeah, I didn't realize how hard it was to get chairs. Like, these weren't the chairs that originally I wanted. You know, I work on a deadline. That's who I am. So if I have an allocated day, an allocated time to do something, that's when I'll do it. And I tend to on, like, the last day of the year, I tend to reflect and go, oh, like, what have we achieved this year? Like, instead of looking forward, because forward overwhelms me. Yeah, you're not going to use resolutions. I'm not a new resolution person, because every time I've fucking written goals, I go, get to about, like, third month, fourth month, fifth month of the next year, and I look back and I go, Well, haven't changed any of that. Then I feel like a failure, and then I just feel like I spiral even further. And goals and I have never really gone hand in hand. I need to take steps. I can't go leap, Leap, leap, like I need to step to the leap. You know what I mean? Yes, I do. I get very overwhelmed. Yeah, personally, so I've always found it really difficult. To write, difficult to write things I wanted to achieve for the next year. So I go, All right, well, what can I do instead? So on the 31st the last day of the year, I typically look at where I've been. So you go backwards. I go backwards, yep, for the job. And what kind of things do you highlight in your brain that are important to you? So like, if I look over my last year, it's like, I've had some savings goals. I've never had my own account. Have my own account. Now have some savings goals. I'm like, Well done, Bianca, you achieve that. I'd look at friendships, and I've achieved lots in those areas as well. We've spent a lot more time together, my besties and I've spent more time together, which was a goal that we had spoken about last year, that we really wanted to work on this year. So it wasn't like, this is what we're going to do every year. We're like, more like, can we be conscious of how much we speak to each other? Can we be can we be better with how we spend our time with our family together. Those things were achieved this year. You know, relationships wise, have we spent a lot of time together? Yes, we have. The only thing I would want for 2026 is a little bit more, like more date nights, which we're working on. We really get a lot of those this year, things like that. Like when I travel, yes, because I tend to go with cheapest, yes. Been to Brisbane, Brisbane. Brisbane. Then I went to the Gold Coast, then I went to Sunshine Coast, and then went back to the Gold Coast, I'm pretty sure. And went to America, then I went to America. You've done something, I know I did something else as well. And so I tend to go, yep, travel goals, definitely travel. We went somewhere together, which we did have a goal. We got the goal next year too. Yes, yeah. See, we don't cement things. We just go, we're going to do something. Yes, not on this date. This state this time. Like, you know, when you write the goal and like, it's gotta be smart, and it's have a timeframe, and it's I get that there's gotta be a goal post that you want to aim towards. Like, I get it. You're not gonna kick the football into the abyss. Yeah. Like, I understand that. But for me, it's too overwhelming to have specifics. Or if I talk in rounds about and I look backwards and I'm like, Great, I'm so proud of myself. I go into the New Year accomplished and with pride. And yes, there are not so great, but, I mean, you can't feel better going backwards. I'm a bit more I don't have I don't have because, as I've discussed in previous polls, I'm not a special days person. So I don't have a special day to do a special thing. I'm sure in the past, I would absolutely have done goals for New Year's, and then you hear that people don't like people have given up on the goal in the first three weeks. If I say I'm doing something, I will do it, and I will finish one of my stars. So I be very careful which goals I pick. Yes, I will achieve my goals. And that's you need to know who you are, yeah, like, and so I'm really serious about, like, you know, I was really serious about this pilot from day one. I was like, this is fun. We're gonna enjoy, gonna keep going while we enjoy. But I'm also dead serious about, like, committing to the Yes, like, and always have been. My book was the same, I'm gonna finish that book, and I went away to finish the book, and then I was gonna publish the book. You know, like, I get really, like, serious, and I used to have vision boards every year, yeah, so I do a vision board make sure I did that by the first of January, do like, and I stopped doing that in 2023 and, you know, why? Why? Because you've achieved your fitness because, because I realized that everything great that's happened to me was beyond my world's dreams. And so I'm visualizing things that I would like to have happen, that I think would be awesome. And there's something better out there that I can't even see, can't see, can't see, can't think of. So I'm not stricting myself that I just want to have this experience happen. I want to have something better that is so true. So I'm like, I'm not putting caveats on my joy. Yeah, that is true. I 100% agree with that. I don't have a vision board that I physically see on, like my walls or anything, but I do have a background that I've made which has things that are important to me. Yeah? So picture of the family, the word joy, the word love, they are all subconsciously reminding me picture of like, little hotel room that I can see the life hotel from, you know, like little things, things that I know matter, that will happen. I actually just need to make it. I just need to plan it. Make them happen. But there are things that they remind us of what's important versus what I want. Yes? So, yes, yes. 100% I never did my vision board. Ever full of this thing, that thing, whatever thing, it was, always a feeling. Yeah, I had gratitude written all over it, love and like, joy, like you said, like, I did have my book on it. Yep, years ago, I didn't have the pod. See, didn't see the pod. Didn't see the pod at all, but, but see, that could fall under joy. 100% would fall under joy, yeah, I don't know. And it's also like, yeah, just don't want to be restrictive about things. But I also think that there is a lot of value in having some goals, because I've experienced people every day and every day, and they there are many people that are willing to do that, and there are many people that are not happy with that. They don't have goals. They don't want to achieve the next thing, and they don't know how, because they don't have it as even in their radar. You and I, we've got we want to do in general. We have goals for the pod, and we're talking about them, yeah, but we haven't gone, and I think you've been gracious enough to, like, understand my goal setting, needs and wants, and yeah, like I've said, I get overwhelmed with with that, but if you can just, I guess, not expect work, but work towards the goal post might move. They might not look the way you think they're gonna look, yeah, but otherwise you can still achieve so otherwise we miss it, yeah? Visit it if we have, if we attack, well, I call it attachment to the outcome. So I will put something out there, and then you just detach from the outcome, how it's gonna Yes, yeah, yeah. But, like, New Year's is interesting, because a lot of people tend to use that as their time that they start thinking about things, yeah? And I don't time as you start to think about things, yeah? Because for me, it's like, you know what it is for me, are you know what it is. For me, my eulogy. I spoke about that the other day. Yeah, I talk a lot about my eulogy. How do my children talk about regularly, regularly. I think about things, and I get really upset by some things sometimes or some someone triggers something in me. And of course, I never blame the person I'm always booking internally as to why that triggered me. And I think, is this gonna matter when I die? Is this gonna this gonna Is this gonna be a part of my eulogy? Nope. Most of the time the answer is Nope. And so I'm like, I let it go so like, and then I think about things that I do want in my eulogy. Do I want my writing to be in my eulogy? Fuck yes, I do Absolutely. Fuck yes, yeah, the things that I write down are so deep and personal and like, meaningful to me. Fuck yes. I want that written down and sit and spoken about. So I'm making time this year right now, not waiting till, like, not waiting till any, for any time, for more writing, because now as I'm going to do more writing, that's why I created my substack, and that's going really well. And, you know, like, because I, because I, that's what I want to contribute. And it's about, it's about giving to others through your own experiences, and your experience can help someone else feel better. And I always talk about, this is my thing, that I love to say, if I can, if my darkest, deeper secret, can release someone else's shame, then I'm you've achieved so fucking chuffed by that. What were you gonna say that I interrupted you didn't, no, you didn't interrupt me. Yeah, just let you have the moment. Thank you. But like, what's your eulogy? What's important for your eulogy? I sometimes I feel really misunderstood, and I just actually I'm even having a funeral. Decided no, because there are so many fluffy people in my life, I just don't want to come that mean nothing, and I don't want to put my children through the grief of having to sit there and talk to people that are important, right? So I've actually voiced that I don't want to have a funeral. It's not in my will yet, because that's like eulogy. Like, no, I think okay, if we're not doing a eulogy, and the kids just have to say something. Or maybe, you know, it's them, it's the memories, what I am to them, and how I yeah, how I carry myself through, through the journey of their of motherhood, and just as I am with their dad, that's what I want them to remember me for. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yes, I know funeral for me. Sorry, yeah, I won't be going anywhere. I'll be already dead. Sorry, I'm never coming. I'll come from the other side. Yeah, meet me up there from the other side. What are you saying you would die before me? I think I am saying because I'm 17 years old. You know, statistically, anything can happen. You are coming to my people. I expected it. Do we have songs? Did you ever need to prioritize? Am I organizing it? No, no, I've got my kids all the roles. Do I need to do anything? Because I just leave my kids know exactly what to do. I need to come. I mean, do I need to come? Do I need to do any? Yes, you need to come. Do I need to do anything? No, you're in charge of crying. But my kids know where to put my ashes. Like, like, Where would everyone come to them for that? Can you buy me? Yeah, they'll let me come. No, you need to tell them, because if they don't let me come, yeah, you have to be I am nice to them. What do you travel plans next year? Travel plans for 2026, well, I'm going to London, to say Lily Allen, as you do. Where else do you think you'll go? Like, I don't have any other travel plans. Like, from there. Where do you want to go? Greece? Have you been to Italy? Like, where do you want to do? Hungry? I do not know. I do not know. No, I'll end up doing something. I don't know what it is. You should do a tour, because you get to see more in less time. You like a little cruise or something. Yeah, do a tour. Yeah, I don't know. What are you gonna do? You're going to Noosa, and then Bali, potentially, and then somewhere else that's it's a somewhere else, somewhere else, somewhere else, that's to be confirmed and and then we discuss going to New Zealand. Yeah, that'll be family treatment for potting. Yeah, family, potting. Family, pod family. Pod family. Welcome potting. Hey, we should interview our kids. Yeah, yes, that's appropriate for us. You know, I could interview mine. You could interview your kids. Could just say hi on the mic and then bye, goodbye. They could, that would be cute. Yeah? Um. I have a question for you. Okay, what's your question? So I have some, like, relationship goals that I told you, like, I want to work on. So I've really relationships less married I want to work on. So obviously being spending more time together through date nights, yeah, but we definitely need to do a going away thing, because we, the last time we went away together for a week was our 10 year anniversary. So this is, like, time, wasn't it last year? No, it's almost two years ago. It was two years ago. I know it's time, yep, so then want to do that, and yeah, I really need to work on not falling asleep, because I do have libido, but I'm tired. Yeah? Like, I'm so tired. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't even know. And it's really only at nighttime that we, if we're together, that we see each other, yeah, yeah. I mean, day sex, I don't know about day sex. I'm not really big fan of it. I mean, I can make it happen. But anyway, so that's that. What are your dating goals? What am I dating goals? Dating sex, relationship goals? I don't have any. I know that. I know that you keep saying no, but can you give me gonna sound that like? What's it when he I don't when you jump off? What happens if you're talking long term relationship? I do not see myself meeting someone from the apps for a long term relationship. I just don't see it, and I don't I'm not really attached to that anyway, but I'm not closed to that either, but I'm just not attached to that. Actually, to be honest with you, I feel the time, and I think I've said it on the pod, I genuinely think if I was to end up, you know, in love with somebody like, you know, but like, if I was to end up with that sort of, that romantic relationship thing, I think it would be with someone who read my book and then, so then they understood me already, because for me to meet someone from the other end, and yeah, that's hard. Yeah, I get deleted regularly. I get ghosted. I get inappropriately questioned. I get because you're okay about what you've achieved has been counterproductive for my dating in every way, casual dating, less casual dating, more serious dating. More serious dating, it's affected every single time to the point where it's taxing to date. So they said, that happens, yes. So it's like that story for us, having said that I will never choose to not do the pod. I will never choose to cancel the book. No, I don't have any regrets at all for any of the choices that I've made. It's just like the consequences of those choices has been that it's incredibly difficult, and what was some of the feedback like? As in, they're worried that you're going to talk about them on the pod, so they don't trust you enough, basically to say, you know, myriad of reasons, but some of them are private people. They don't want to be public, which is fine. Some people have low self esteem, so they're self esteem, so then they're worried that you're going to say something about them. You know, there's, there's a whole bunch of reasons. How do they know you have the plot? Well, they tell, I tell them, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. Well, you're not lying. It's just not telling. Okay, maybe try a different angle, like just not tell them you have a podcast. I don't want to do that because I would rather not waste my time and not meet someone who I don't who I don't want to get to the point where I met them, and then I find out that they Yeah, but I find like, you don't really tell many stories without people's consent anyhow, yeah, so, and you never identify them, like, it's always de identified. That's what I say is, is, like, does it matter if they know or don't know? If they don't know, then they just don't know. You're not going to talk about them anyway. No, yeah, but it's just not who I am. Like, I'm just like, I'm just like, This is who I am and what I do, and I'm just proud of it. Yeah, I'm just trying to help you get more dates. Thank you. Thank you. I get I get it. I do get it. Like, I do get it. I don't have to put all your cards, but I also, like, the thing is, too, I'm not attached emotionally to the outcome, so therefore I don't care, yeah, if they've got an issue with it, and then if I have to, if I meet someone, I'm not sitting at home wishing that I've met someone, yeah, not feeling lacked. I'm not feeling like I'm incomplete. I'm not feeling any of those things. Yeah, so therefore, so therefore, if I speak to 100 men and 100 men, delete me. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, see ya. Bye, Simon, goodbye, Simon. And look, it does make me there are negatives, like it does make me harsher, it does make me harder. It does make me more suitable, of course, because the same thing, okay, everyone. So I can have the same experience as you, apparently. Can I tell apparently. Can I tell you, I've got it, like a microscopic edition of that, because, I guess, like, so, yes, I get it so often, but I get so much because it's really obvious, because I close to where they're, you know, I mean that women get it. Women get it all the time. They just get an extended Britney experience. Yeah, they might go in. Yeah, I had the wrong intention, and he was a fucked up. I find it. They fucked up immediately. If they are fucked up, sometimes they just have a different life. Some of the stories are wild. Hey, wild, yeah, yeah. I don't have any wild dating stories because I don't get to the date. Yeah, maybe I should care. Dragon, I should care. And I would know. Can you just try different angles here? Go tell us on the next episode. Okay, we'll do again. Happy holidays. I think the gist is just, you do you boo, yeah? Like, someone's like, when you don't usually fucking nothing. I don't want to. I don't actually like, I'm a bit like you on that that day. Specifically, I don't like that because I have, like, this fear of missing out at times, if somebody buyer did things, I used to really get worked up to now I can't do anything. Yes, yeah, no. So that's not staying home and then working the next section, just give me your holidays. Yeah, yeah, except for Christmas day. That's all, yeah, exactly. Anyway, happy holidays. You do? You Boo Exactly. See you next week. Bye. Thanks for listening to sex in the one, an original podcast created by KB and B, produced by b and KV content by KB and B enthusiasm. This. XP and mostly KV you.